Jackalope Ranch

Thawing Out in the Frozen Half

2012-01-28T21:52:00.001-06:00

Like Han Solo thawing out after being frozen in carbonite and slowly coming back to his normal self, today's Frozen Half represented the start of that process for me.

Today's race was another good step in the right direction and a clear indication it is time to race more aggressively, raise the bar, and add a quality workout (hills) to weekly training. I was able to run through my leg pain and I am pretty convinced I am dealing with sciatica/piriformus. But if I add some core work I should be able to train through it.

On to the race.

Last night, Chad Austin devoted a good portion of running blog's post to me and Steve Stenzel. Chad was calling us out for having weak goals.

Well Chad, neither one of us broke 1:25 today. We showed you! But we both came close. Sandbaggers indeed. In my defense, my last two races were a 5:14 indoor mile (not all that fast; let's be honest) and a 18:34 5k (so very not fast). I really had NO CLUE what I could run today.

Bottom line: I ran a 1:25:13. Still not all that fast, but good for second place among masters, and a huge improvement from last year.

I'm still building my mileage up. I haven't touched a quality workout in years. And I still weigh over 180 pounds (181 to be exact). And I'm not 25 anymore. So I'll take today's time and be happy with it under one condition: I continue to improve.

So that is the forest. If you want more trees, here are the self-absorbed details of race day.

Last night I got home around midnight, after hanging out with Cait and Zach. I am hoping Zach can help design a cool retro old school logo for MDRA's racing singlets for the USATF Team Circuit. Because you know what MDRA is? A cool, retro old school organization. So yeah I didn't get a ton of sleep but figured it really didn't matter. I got good sleep all week and had been eating a good light diet. We were always told in college that it was the night before the night before race day that really matter race-wise, and I believe that to be true.

I woke up feeling good and ready to go. I carpooled over with a couple friends, including the former blogger still known as Nasty Nate (don't bother clicking through. He hasn't updated the blog in two years). Nathan had 1:23 on the brain but also had White Castle sliders and chili in his stomach from the night before. So it was amusing to listen to him go back and forth between predicting "I think I'll puke at mile two" and "I'm going to run 6:20s like clockwork," depending on how his stomach and its attachments felt at the time of his predictions.

I bumped into the usual suspects before the race, including Chad, Steve S, and a slew of MDRAers. Half marathons are, I think, the most laid-back races at the start. You need to start out relaxed like a marathon, so the pre-race pressure, dread, and intensity of a 5k or 10k is absent. But the stakes aren't as high as a marathon. The gravity and uncertainty of a marathon is absent in the half. It's rarely a goal race and you don't have to worry about hitting the wall.

And I made sure to make my start as relaxed as possible. Since I didn't have a watch and ran on feel, here is how I can best break down the race.

Miles 1-2: I started out as if I was going for my typical workday run and happened to be right behind the 1:30 pace group. So I sat there. I ran perceived effort up the hills until the turnaround point at mile 7+. It's really an interesting way to run. People charge up the hill and get a pretty big lead on me, but without fail when I reach the hill's crest, it only takes 10 to 15 seconds on an average hill, to catch up the pack I was with. Way less work and it pays off in the end.

Miles 2-3: You go down the steep Jackson Street hill that takes you out of downtown to the Mississippi River. If that damn hill is going to kick my ass at mile 12, I am going to kick its ass at mile two. I opened up my stride and without changing much effort passed about 10 people who were hitting the breaks and adjusting their stride. Why more people don't this is beyond me. Perceived effort is the only way to efficiently run hills until you are running aggressively at the end. Sure I look like a crazy man going down the hills but it pays off.

Miles 3-7: We are running along Shepard Road which takes you out of downtown St. Paul, along the Mississippi River up the bluff to the western neighborhoods of St. Paul. The hills roll but it is a net uphill climb. We are running against the wind.

I see Nathan a good minute ahead of me, in a huge pack. Good for him. He's running a smart race and can sit in the back of the pack and let the other ten guys do the work. I'm not so lucky. I'm around a lot of folks who went out too fast or want to draft off me. I don't allow that. I'll draft off anyone fool enough to let me, but if you want to draft off me, you'll work for it. But I found two guys to bounce off of. I'm running perceived effort up the hills so I let them go for the hills and then tuck back behind them on the flats and downhill. I can tell by their breathing that I will soon be running alone.

Mile 7: I see Nathan's big group is breaking up. He is with maybe five guys when he hits the turnaround and goes by me as I am still reaching the turnaround. And what is this? Steve English is running in front of him? Pushing the pace? Crap. There goes my first ever chance at a master's title.

The two guys I was with for miles 3-7 are trying to go with me as I pick up the pace, but by mile seven I am alone. Time to get aggressive... but the next people to get is Nathan's pack. They are still a minute away. But I am motivated by the pack behind me.

Miles 8-10: I have no idea what my pace is here, but I pass two guys who REALLY fell off Nathan's pack. They don't even put up a fight. Damn. Come on guys; let's push each other. But it doesn't go that way. I am still alone. I know I can get close to Nathan but will not be able to catch him.

Miles 10-12: This is where the Frozen Half becomes a very tough race mentally. You are done descending the bluff and are in the river flats. You feel like you are so close to heading back up into downtown, but you are not. Instead you have two miles of flats to run with condos on your right and a gigantic Science Museum on your right. Then a jail that suddenly doubled in size. And you STILL have half a mile to go. And all the while you have to measure how aggressive you want to be vs. how much to leave in the tank for the last uphill 3/4 mile.

Not fun. But I stayed in the game. Never prayed for a broken ankle to get me out of the race. Never rationalized not giving my all. I just worked. I haven't run a race like this in a long time. The few races I ran the last two year, I let my frustration and doubt get the best of me. Not today.

Miles 12-finish. Nathan's pack of three is now strung out. He broke them. And I realize I can catch one of the guys unless he attacks the hills that take us up to downtown. I use him to drive me because I know I have Steve S, 4:50 miler somewhere behind me. I balance going up the hills easily and recovering vs. being aggressive as best I can. It is clear to me my mind is ahead of my conditioning. I just can't go any faster and can't recover as quickly as I'd like.

Finish: You make a 90 degree right turn and the finish is right there. I catch the guy from Nathan's pack meaning I am only two places behind him. Nathan is a good runner and in pretty good shape. I am happy to be within 30 seconds of him and that I had him in my sights.

Steve S. finished only nine seconds behind me.

THE GOOD:

I hit my high goal time.
Mentally I was in the race and making good decisions the entire time.
I finished strong.
I had fun.
My leg was a non-factor.

AREAS TO IMPROVE:

Even as I age, a 1:25 half marathon should not be a high goal time for another decade, health-willing.
The endurance is there. Speed is not. I need to balance quality workouts with staying healthy.
The next race I need to work getting away from such a cautious game plan. I needed to be this reserved to get my confidence. That was the easy part. Now it's time to put my butt on the line and really challenge myself. I am going to use the next week to recover from my mileage and racing and come up with the next 12 week plan. Hopefully it will be as successful in terms of progress.

Goals for the End of January
1. ~~Ten days of 45+ minutes of running.~~
~~2. Ten days of 60+ minutes of running.~~
3. ~~70 mpw by mid January~~
4. ~~Sub 5:30 at Meet of Miles~~
5. ~~Sub 1:30 at the Frozen Half~~

Kirk was right. These goals were too soft. I think this speaks to how much the last two years hurt my running confidence. Hopefully the next race will speak to my newfound confidence.

Decisions decisions...

2012-01-22T20:10:00.002-06:00

It has taken some time, but I have finally come up with a plan for the Frozen Half this weekend that I can live with. Now I need to decide about what to do about my aching right leg besides "stop running." If it comes to that I will.

Well the good news is I hit my mileage goal and my frequency goals. It took awhile, but I finally finished off a streak of ten straight days of at least an hour a day of running. In fact, I am now up to day 11 because I am finally in good enough shape where I can do back-to-back long runs on the weekend. I just wrapped a second 70 mile week for January and over the last 11 days averaged 10.5 miles. Arthur Lydiard's principles are just as valid today as they were 30 years ago, so this low-intensity, consistent running should hopefully pay off in a few months.

The key now is to stay healthy. Like I said, my right leg is bothering me a little. Nothing big, but I do need to cut back my mileage this week anyway. It's needed because of the steady diet of miles my legs have absorbed over the past three weeks and also because the Frozen Half Marathon is this Saturday. Hopefully cutting back on the mileage will keep this under control. We'll see.

And of course the other issue is I have no idea what I can run this Saturday. My low goal remains to get under 1:30 and erase the summer half marathon times from my recent running resume. My hunch is I am in sub 1:25 shape, but really I won't know until I try. The problem is two of my last last three half marathons have been ruined by too aggressive of a start. So I will be bringing those bad memories with me to the race and really want to finish strong and confident, even if it means having to sacrifice a minute of time because of a slow start. Yes, my running ego is presently that fragile.

My plan for Saturday is to open with a 7:00 minute mile and then see how I feel. If it feels like I'm crawling, I'll bump it to 6:45 for mile two and run on feel from there. I will be relying on a HUGE negative split to get under 1:25 but I have been able to so that in the past. And like I said, more than anything I want a strong finish. And then these would be my goals:

Low goal: sub 1:30
Medium goal: Sub 1:28
High goal: Sub 1:25

The weather shouldn't be a huge factor Saturday so that is good. Hopefully I will be able to take advantage of the all the great running this winter has given us.

Goals for the End of January
1. ~~Ten days of 45+ minutes of running.~~
~~2. Ten days of 60+ minutes of running.~~
3. ~~70 mpw by mid January~~
4. ~~Sub 5:30 at Meet of Miles~~
5. Sub 1:30 at the Frozen Half

Clueless

2012-01-12T20:41:00.003-06:00

Well, I have no clue what kind of shape I am in. Monday night brought the Meet of Miles. Bottom line, I ran a 5:14, alone after lap three of eight. I was 7th for master's. And at the end of my heat an old-timer I'd never met came up to me and said he couldn't believe someone my size and age could run under 5:15. Somewhere in there is a compliment.

A month ago all I wanted to do was break 5:30. I was pretty sure that was attainable going into the meet and lowered my time goal to sub 5:20 and had it in my head I could run a 5:17. So I was happily surprised to run a 5:14. A good starting point, especially since I had just wrapped up my first 70 miles week the day before. I still have a hard time accepting these are now my time goals, so I just focus on where I was this summer or, even worse, a year ago.

As far as goals go, I hit my Meet of Miles goal and my mileage goal, but still haven't reached 10 straight days of 60 minutes of running. I've come close but real life and Meets of Miles get in the way.

When I have more time I'll post some Meet of Miles pictures.

1. ~~Ten days of 45+ minutes of running.~~
2. Ten days of 60+ minutes of running.
3. ~~70 mpw by mid January~~
4. ~~Sub 5:30 at Meet of Miles~~
5. Sub 1:30 at the Frozen Half

2011-11-28T19:43:00.002-06:00

Progress Report

Ten days straight of at least 45 minutes of running. I had 13 miler, a seven miler, and an eight miler thrown in there. Consequently my last week of running brought me 54 miles of running. A good start.

Starting tomorrow: ten straight days of at least 60 minutes of running. It all starts tomorrow at 5 a.m. with the blogger formerly known as Nasty Nate.

After those ten days I have a mileage build-up plan that will get me to 70 mpw by mid-January. This assumes of course that all days between now and then will be free of ice, dangerous windchills, and unplowed snow.

Highlights of the last ten days:
1. I didn't bust my knee open after falling, like I did over two weeks ago, when I was on day eight of my pursuit of ten days of 45 minutes.

2. Running consistently through the Thanksgiving holidays even with family in town.

3. Most of my runs were solo, but I did get two good runs with Nasty Nate and two runs in with a friend from work whom Nasty Nate is jealous of.

4. I still prefer running alone in the dark than alone in the daylight. It really is nice to be out in the dark alone. It is very tranquil at 5 a.m. and River Road is actually very pretty with it's lights reflecting off the river.

5. The problem is nothing funny happens this early. No one is out but boring runners and cyclists.

Where I've been and where I'm headed this winter:
1. ~~Ten days of 45+ minutes of running.~~
2. Ten days of 60+ minutes of running.
3. 70 mpw by mid January
4. Sub 5:30 at Meet of Miles
5. Sub 1:30 at the Frozen Half

2011-11-21T20:34:00.000-06:00

Lordy I'm 40

My challenge is simple. On the last day of my 30s (October 8, 2011), I ran a 5k. I ran that dreaded 18:34 I mentioned earlier and was running all out. Beforehand I bet my friend our usual wager (a carrot), that no matter how fast my time was, I would beat that time for my next 40 5ks.

So there it is. The goal is out there. A tough goal in that I have to stay injury free as well as in shape. It's achievable thanks to my crappy time. I really did go all out. Those of you who know me, know I don't like to give my best effort in training but will always go all out in race.

When is my next 5k, you may be wondering. I am wondering the same thing.

2011-11-19T11:53:00.005-06:00

Running Back to Blogging

I know I have let this blog twist in the wind, but I am going to revive it for the sake of my own running. The last good race I ran was the Victory 5k in 2009. I ran a 16:29 5k off a steady diet of 60 mile weeks and weekly hill repeats. I felt maybe if I pushed up to 70 mpw and added a second quality weekly workout, one final sub 16 was there for me to have in my lifetime.

Since then, life happened. Emily got pregnant, was on bedrest, then was in the hospital with bedrest, Charlotte came early, we had a newborn in the NICU and then at home, and then just as things were settling down, Emily's mom's health began to deteriorate and we lost her this June and miss her everyday. So here I am, 20 pounds later with an 18:34 5k from October being a satisfactory race for me. Unacceptable.

This has to change. And change has been slow so far. This morning after running with a couple of friends I got to thinking about how nice it is to have goal races, and to race often. But then I had itchy skin for 30 minutes, post-run, and I remembered how I need that extra motivation to run in the winter to tolerate crap like itchy skin. If I want to return to the racing scene at a level I can accept, I HAVE to train through the winter so I need to make running more a part of my life. I miss blogging about running. Hell, I miss blogging in general. I miss reading running blogs. I miss racing. I miss being around people who love races as much as I do.

I was up to 60 mpw in early October, but not anymore. I maybe got 35 miles in a week, once, since then. So I am hitting reset and going back to the basics: 45 minutes a day for ten days. And when I get there, I will write about the next step.

The end game right now is simple: to get to 70-75 mpw before the Frozen Half Marathon. But first I have to get through the winter and come out on the other side of the December's first major cold snap and/or snow storm at 50-60 mpw.

And the big picture is also simple. I know the sub 15 5ks for me are a thing of the past, but I still think I have a puncher's chance of getting under 16. Yes I have a lot miles and quality workouts to add and pounds to lose, but I do want to give it one more shot.

I hope that by writing about it, I will hold myself accountable. So my path to 70 mpw does not start with tomorrow's run. It starts with this blog entry.

2011-01-29T14:18:00.001-06:00

The Frozen errrr... Half--What happened?

Today, I and 1000 or so like minded runners, trudged up and down Shepard Road for the annual Securian Frozen Half Marathon (and 5k and 10k). This is one of my favorite winter traditions. It's a good race to stay in shape for to keep your honest and running through the winter months.

This year the course changed to take us around the farmer's market and then past the ice sculptures at Rice Park, before dumping us back onto Shepard Road. Personally, I love the new course, even though the hill at the end of the race still exists.

But today's race did not go without incident. The half marathon ended up being between 11.6 and 11.7 miles, based on two people with Garmins that I spoke with. So what happened? Well, somehow the turn around point was miscommunicated.

My mom and wife and out infant daughter went out to watch the race. I told my wife the perfect cheering spot would be to go to Rankin and Shepard Road, right around mile seven of the course and just before the turnaround (this was not a pure out-and-back, so the turnaround was past the 6.55 mile spot). However, when they got there they looked down Shepard Road they saw the flashing lights down the road and knew that was the turnaround.

So as I am running up Shepard Road, I like so many other runners was very confused about what was happening. Here was a police officer at a random spot telling us we are at the turnaround. We were nowhere near the official turnaround, but everyone else was turning around, so the informal turnaround would have to do.

My mom and wife said they overheard him saying that he had directions that this was supposed to be the turnaround and he was just following the orders he was given. Hard to blame the guy. So my family watched me go by, heard me say a few choice words about spending $30 for such a disorganized race to anyone within earshot before turning around to head back to the finish. Then they drove back home on Shepard Road (on what was supposed to still be part of the course.)

As they were driving back, they saw a few volunteers with an official clock, a sound system with large speakers, and your token fun music pumping out of the speakers. Ooops, there is the official turnaround. These poor guys had no idea that the race would never reach them because the runners were all turned back over half a mile too soon. So my family let them know, so they shut it down.

Boo.

To be honest, when I got to mile 11, I was kind of relieved to only have less than a mile to go. But I was hoping to get a true half marathon time as a baseline to measure my improvement when I run the Grnamda's half this June. I paid thirty dollars for this race with a certain expectation that was not met.

All in all, the race management company has to do a better job. Where is the redundancy in planning and execution to make sure this doesn't happen? What company doesn't have a system of double and triple-checks in place? All it would have required is one employee on a bike who knows the course to ride out in front of the runners. Or have an employee drive the course ahead of time and assure that each person knows his or her job.

But this did not happen. Because of one communication breakdown, an entire race was marginalized. Anderson Race Management has to do better than this. They make the Winter Carnival and Securian look bad, when really it is their job to make sure this race goes smoothly.

At the end of the day, I will do this race again next year. I love the course, the tradition, and the challenge. But my love for Anderson Race Management is lacking. This is not the first race I've been to where a huge error was made (2009 Go Northside 5k had a 12 year-old girl winning even though an adult woman was the actual winner) and I can point to other races where smaller errors were made. However, this is a numbers driven sport, as are all individual sports. And I am really not all that interested from the numbers that come from an 11.6 mile race.

2010-03-30T10:06:00.001-05:00

We're All Human

And we all make mistakes.

I sure made a big mistake in the opening mile of the Human Race. Big as in 14 seconds big.

I've had a string of bad races over the past six months. My last solid race was the Victory 5k over Labor Day weekend. All of this makes sense because I kind of stopped training intensely right around that time. I got a new job, which was a major change, winter set in, and suddenly I'm 15 pounds away from race shape.

So I own my 28:39 time in the Human Race. I am okay with how slow I ran, but a little disappointed with how I got there.

My plan was to open with a 5:50 mile, and then take stock of how I was feeling. If I felt good, I'd slowly start picking people off. And if I didn't feel great, I knew I could cruise in at 5:45-5:50 for awhile and get in under 29:00.

Well that plan lasted about half a mile. I saw a group of runners I usually finish just in front of, tucked in behind them, and all of a sudden I was "accidentally" racing. It's funny, you'd think over the course of half an hour one little lapse in focus and judgment wouldn't make or break a race. But we've probably all been there before.

Mentally, once I make that leap, I have a new, race plan. It's like jumping from one train track to another. And there I was 1/2 a mile into the race, going out hard to see what happens. I hit mile one, asked the guy next to me what our split was.

"5:36," he said.

"Ooops, " I said.

And then I passed one more guy who like me, was going out too hard. After that, I was able to hang onto a pack until about mile three. Then I lost contact with them and for the last two miles I parked myself in the far right lane and watched the fast moving traffic pass me on the left. All told, 25 people probably passed me after mile one.

Like I said, oops.

If I had run smarter, would my time have been any faster? Maybe just by a little. But I would have been a lot happier. I am not used to positive splitting. While I am used to finishing in the middle of the pack, I am not used to getting there by having the pack catch me.

The physical component to my running will come around as I get back into the swing of training. I knew that going into the race. What surprised me was how much I need to work on the mental part. My focus wasn't there at the start, and my ability and willingness to get back on the original plan once I got off track was also missing. I have a lot to prepare for between now and the Brian Kraft 5k.

For more Human Race reports and news check out the Run Minnesota blog.

2010-03-27T14:22:00.005-05:00

Enough with the Damn Polar Bears

This blog is coming out of hibernation. I know this is the third attempt, but this time I mean it! This time it will stick. Don't believe me? Well read on. I've already returned to blogging.

Like a polar bear who has been.... screw it. You know what? I'm sick of blogging about damn Polar Bears. Those of you not tuned into MDRA are not aware that have been blogging a bit as of late. I've been writing on the MDRA blog and polar bears were the only thing I was blogging about for awhile.

See for yourself, by going here.

Anyway, I'll be updating the Run Minnesota blog about three times a week, so feel free to check it out if you want know what's going in Minnesota for the average runner. I am co-contributor with Drew, who is presently writing about his experiences with barefoot/minimalist running. So his posts are a lot more interesting than mine.

Anyway, as I wrote a few posts for Run Minnesota (click here for the link) I realized how much I missed blogging and want to get my blog going again. It's a lot of work, but I like having a blank slate to work with.

Suck it Facebook.

2009-11-09T21:22:00.003-06:00

Conversation With Emily #92

I'm back to blogging again. Will it last? Who knows? Stick around and find out.

Tonight Emily and I were flipping through the channels and she wanted to watch some show about hoarders. About ten minutes later I had watched enough.

Me (opening laptop): You know this room we're in looks like it could be on the show.

Emily: I know. We do have a lot of surface areas covered. I've seen enough of this show. I feel like cleaning the house... or making a bigger mess around here.

And she opted for the latter and is making a big mess in the kitchen. But that means oatmeal chocolate chip cookies are on the way!!

2009-04-09T22:42:00.002-05:00

Random Question #327

Why the hex am I running another effing marathon in ten days?

2009-04-08T20:58:00.003-05:00

Twins Win!!!

Last night, Emily and I made our annual trek to the Metrodome for one game in the Twins' home opening series. This year's trip was not as eventful as last year's trip to Opening Day (no blizzard to drive through and I wasn't on TV this time), but the game was way more exciting.

But this is will probably be the last home opener series Emily and I will go to for some time. We will miss the Metrodome. And maybe we're the only people in Minnesota who feel this way. Actually, Emily says she won't miss it. So maybe I am the only person who will miss the Metrodome.

2009-04-05T14:05:00.001-05:00

Back in the Saddle

I was thinking maybe... I should start blogging again. I have nothing to say in this post. But I'll gradually get back into it.

Facebook has basically killed my blog. But I can do both.

2008-10-13T20:37:00.007-05:00

Too Tired to Write, Too Lazy To Race

So pictures from the TC5k from last weekend (courtesy of Nasty Nate) will have to do.

Whatever goes up....

must come down.

These pictures were taken at the same spot of out-and-back course. Nathan was probably at the 1/2 mile mark (which would be the 2.5 mile mark as we came down the hill). What I find remarkable is the guy in the blue and I are pretty much in same spot in both pictures. We probably switched spots four or five times and gapped one another at least twice. But you wouldn't know it from these pictures.

Maybe we could all save each other a lot time and energy in a 5k and just race for half a mile. Does your place really change that much after that? Well of course I know the answer is YES (especially since I'm someone who tries to sit in the weeds for two miles), but you know, like all distance runners, I'm actually a lot lazier than people think.

Let's just run a half mile with mentality and pace that we're running a 5k and stop there! We can call it the Lazy Mike 5k.

2008-10-04T15:40:00.005-05:00

Christmas Card Idea

Me, Emily, and a giant pee cup. Happy Holidays Yall.

Insert your own caption here.

And click here for more pictures and an explanation of the event that brought me, Emily, and a pee cup together. Look for the two posts from Saturday 10/4/09.

2008-08-31T21:39:00.004-05:00

One More Puzzle Piece

Our neighborhood is awesome. But it could use...

5. One more nice bar
4. A co-op (credit goes to Emily for that suggestion)
3. Thai food restaurant (True Thai is close, but I want one even closer)
2. An Indian food restaurant
1. An easier way to get to all of Minneapolis west of Hiawatha Avenue.

Well, we can scratch item #2 off the list.

Thanks to Nora's observant parents, we learned that an Indian food restaurant has indeed opened in our neighborhood! Gandhi Mahal is located along 27th Avenue (that funny little street that runs between Minnehaha and Lake Street, right by Town Talk Diner).

Great food. We did take-out, but the restaurant interior is very attractive.

Click here for a review.

Click here for the restaurant's website. So many restaurants have come and gone from that location, but they haven't been as good as this one. So if you like Indian food even half as much as Emily and I do, you should go.

2008-08-21T22:23:00.005-05:00

Conversations With Emily #7132897

While watching the finalists line-up for the 110 meter men's high hurdles.

Me Oliver looks like he's dirty, but I have to cheer for him. He is an American afterall. (Editor's Note: Dirty = performance enhancing drugs. Click here to judge for yourself.)

Emily What about Urkel? Aren't you going to cheer for him?

By Urkel she, of course meant Dayron Robles, who won the event.

Click here to judge for yourself.

Urkel indeed. She called the winner of the race. She made an Urkel reference.

Well played.

2008-08-19T06:17:00.004-05:00

Hurricane vs. Blizzard

What happens when the Olympics meets the Minnesota State Fair head on? We'll find out this weekend, when they co-occur. Maybe Emily and I will just deep fry all our meals this weekend and watch the Olympics in our backyard and encourage people to walk all over our backyard. Then we can experience the Olympics as if we were at the State Fair.

Actually, we are doing the Milk Run again this year. Click here for Emily's full preview.

2008-08-18T21:03:00.001-05:00

Random Question #425

Trampoline is an Olympic event. What the shit?

2008-08-17T17:40:00.003-05:00

Class Acts

a quick Olympic post. Michael Phelps has amazed not only for what he has accomplished, but with how he has handled himself througout. Cool and classy in victory.

And Tyson Gay impressed me even more in defeat. No Handle Chad has blogged in the past about alibis and running. Gay had a built in alibi. The trackside reporter, Bob Neumeyer (sp?) even tried to hand it to him after Gay didn't make it out of the semi-finals. But Gay refused to accept it. No excuses. He tried his hardest and it wasn't good enough.

I find as much inspiration in that as I do in what Phelps accomplished.

2008-08-14T20:48:00.015-05:00

"He's Doing Another Feet-First Dive!"

All of us normal folks know we would look ridiculous in the Olympics. The question is, which event would I look the most ridiculous participating in? Remember: I'd be wearing the same garb as the other athletes and competing without irony. Imagine me on TV...

5. Diving
Weaknesses: I have never taken swimming lessons and I don't know how to dive in the water head first. Emily impersonated an announcer when I asked her how I'd look in the Olympic diving competition. "Unbelievable! He's doing another feet-first dive!"

Strengths: I can also do a cannonball.

4. Weightlifting
Weaknesses: Good God, have you seen my physique? Even in my weightlifting heyday (college, when I was forced to lift three times a week), the most I benched in reps was 125 pounds.

Strengths: If "Jogging In Place With Heavy Hands" ever becomes a medal event, I'd be awesome.

3. Gymnastics
Weaknesses: I can't touch my toes. I can't do five dips or pull-ups unassisted. All limitations I have for diving and weightlifting would apply here.

Strengths: My dad was an All-American gymnast at Indiana University in the floor exercises. I'm shitting you negative. However, I'm not sure how these genes (that I somehow missed out on) would help me with my floor exercise routine, which would feature doing push-ups, jumping jacks, a few somersaults, and holding some plank positions for 30 seconds. But the scary part is this would be my best gymnastic event (what the hex would I do on the rings, just try to hang on for two minutes?), unless the judges would allow me to treat the vault as if it were a wet jump in the steeplechase.

2. Swimming
Weaknesses: Did I mention I have never taken swimming lessons? I know zero strokes outside of the doggie paddle and I could wing freestyle. Also, I sink like a rock. My natural buoyancy finds me underwater just below my eyes. In college I had a knee injury during one of the cross country seasons, so I worked out in the pool a lot, running in place. Only I had to wear an aquajogger to avoid drowning.

Kind of like floaties for a grown-up.

Strengths: I could at least finish the damn race, assuming it's freestyle... as long as I'm allowed to rest on the lane lines every thirty seconds and hang out on the edge of the pool for a few minutes when I reach the turns.

1. Figure Skating
Weaknesses: I've never been ice skating in my life. So it's like my inability to swim but worse. Figure skating is like floor exercises on ice. I'm screwed.

Strengths: I can't do my somersault and jumping jack routine on the ice, but if the judges let me do some plank on the ice with my skates on, maybe I can pick up half a point that way.

2008-08-12T22:46:00.004-05:00

Conversation With Emily #672392

This one was an incredibly short conversation, as Emily had a question I couldn't answer. We were watching the Olympics and they showed footage of the Great Wall of China, high atop the Himalayas.

Emily What's the point of that wall? Did it do any good? I mean if someone could climb that mountain, wouldn't they have no problem climbing over a wall?

Me Silence (Editor's Note: She does have a valid point. I just had no answer).

2008-08-12T21:45:00.010-05:00

Oh Mylanta

Yesterday I had an e-mail exchange The Anginator, a fellow Olympic enthusiast about our favorite Olympic moments. This list is not to be confused with The Greatest Olympic Moments. Instead, it is more personal. Simply, which ones mean the most to you. In other words, which ones would you go to YouTube to watch? And seeing as how three of my moments predate me, YouTube is the only way I can go.

5. Tommie Smith and John Carlos raising their fists on the medal stand. Mexico City, 1968. Whether or not you agree with what they did, you have to agree it is one of the most poweful and provocative moments in Olympic history. Carlos and Smith now sound like a couple of grumpy old men sniping at one another. Carlos now says he let Smith win and both bicker over whose idea it was to don the gloves and raise their fists.

Interesting side note: Peter Norman, the Australian silver medalist in the same race (200 m) wore a badge in support of the Project for Human Rights and to support Smith and Carlos. Norman's nephew has made a documentary about the medal ceremony called Salute.

4. Jessie Owens wins four gold medals in the 1936 Berlin Olympics. Sometimes the significance of an event is bigger than the man himself that created it. Owens life post-Olympics matches any fall from grace movie. A pack-a-day smoking habit. Racing horses for money. Bankruptcy. Tax evasion. But that's not how I'll remember him.

Gold medals in the 100 m, 200m, long jump, and 4x100 in front of Hitler. Calling out FDR for not even sending a letter or giving him a phone call after the Olympics. That's how I'll remember him.

3. Billy Mills, 10,000 m, Tokyo, 1964. "LOOK AT MILLS!! LOOK AT MILLS!!" One of the biggest track upsets of all time. You could watch Running Brave or watch the footage below.

But what I would do is rent Tokyo Olympiad. A hidden gem is during the marathon footage you will see Billy Mills is running in the middle of the pack. I had no idea he had doubled in the 10k and the marathon until I saw this documentary. There are some visually stunning moments to this movie. Well worth renting.

2. US men's 4x100 freestyle relay team beat the Frenchies, Bejing, 2008. I don't normally get fired about swimming, but that come from behind victory on Sunday night was special.

1. Miracle On Ice, Lake Placid, 1980 We beat the freaking Russians! I watched five hockey games my entire childhood, growing up in Texas. All five of them were in 1980. Who didn't watch those games? During those games, my mom took me and my sister to the flea market where we bought some of those newfangled tennis shoe rollerskates.

My friends and I tore up the lenoleum in my family's knotty pine rec room acting like we were either a bunch of Eric Heidens or the US Olympic hockey team. I had these giant tinker toys. The green pieces were long enough to be a hockey stick (er, pole) and there was even a piece (a black plastic disk) that could pass as a puck. And that was how we did winter sports in South Texas.

2008-08-08T16:37:00.005-05:00

Bejing Magic

That title is a reference only Emily and her sister will get.

Anyway, the Olympics officially open tonight. I am one of 17 people left in this country who is completely freaking stoked! In fact, I'm so excited I had to see my take on the Athens olympics four years ago.

Only two posts came up...
The first post is a lament about the lack of love NBC gave el Guerrouj got for winning gold the 1500 m and 5k in Athens. But as I re-read this post and recall a conversation I had with Fancy Kirk last week (about Morroccans and doping/performance enhancing drugs), I can't help but wonder if el Guerrouj was clean or not in 2004. I have no way of proving anything. But I will say this: they're all probably cheating.

And the second 2004 Olympic-related post is pretty amusing in my opinion. Sure the opening ceremonies were as weird as ever, but not nearly as weird as a camel racing five midgets. And if memory serves correct, I think I still owe Angie a special treat from four years ago. She answered my trivia question at the end of the post. But else would you expect from one of the other 17 people left in America who still loves the Olympics?

2008-08-08T15:18:00.016-05:00

Gone Fishin' Part III

The final part of Vacationfest Aught Eight found Emily and I driving over ten hours to Eureka Springs, AK at 5:30 a.m. on Monday morning, July 14th, about 12 hours after we landed in Minneapolis.

My mom turned 70 this June, so we spent the week with her and my two sisters' families to celebrate. The town itself is like Stillwater, but built on a bluff.

Highlights included...

going to Thorncrown Chapel

swimming and bumming at a nearby lake...

and visiting Pea Ridge National Military Park. I neglected to bring my camera to Pea Ridge. It was the first Civil War Battlefield I've ever been too.

When I was in college we ran a cross country meet in Virginia. We were not actually on a battlefield, but we must have been close to one. So for some reason in the hour leading up to the meet, a bunch of dudes dressed as Civil War soldiers (some were blue and some were grey) fired off a cannon every ten minutes. And then there were some Revolutionary War dudes there as well. They had their own cannon which they also fired off. So pictures that one: a bunch of skinny dudes in running singlets warming up on a golf course and then a bunch of other guys dressed in old military garb shooting cannons for no damn reason. Random.

But I digress. This was my first up close look at the Civil War. It was grim. When we were leaving the park, I stated the obvious to one of my sisters: I was glad I didn't have to fight in that war. And if I did get drafted, I would have gone AWOL, runing full speed backwards before you could even say, "Damn the torpeedos!"

And then I added that even though my sister wouldn't have had to fight, life would have sucked for her too. To which she added, "Yeah, like I'd wake up one morning and wonder what the hell I was going to do with 300 dead bodies in my front yard."

Which brings me to my point. Ever since I was a kid I have always wondered and never asked, what happened to all the bodies in the Civil War? Was there an agency to recover and bury people? Did soldiers go back later to get their fallen comrades? So I posed that question to a very informed volunteer at Pea Ridge, and he recommended this book. I don't know if I want to read it, but for some reason I feel I should.

Top Five Things I Learned On Trip #3
5. David Sedraris is a morbid dude. Maybe it's fitting, given that we spent a day at a Civil War battlefield, that I learned that David Sedaris can be just as grim as he can be funny. I bought a eight disc CD set of him reading latest book. We listened to most of it on the way to Arkansas and back. But I couldn't take more than 100 miles of it at a time when he got down dark and deep.

4. My family loves cake. Emily still has fun saying, "The Nawrockis... the family that has a cake a night." Indeed, we did bake a cake for each dinner for the week we were there (except the last night because we had to finish all the leftover cake). That's how we roll.

3. Smaller government is a good thing. I'm not about to start listening to conservative AM talk radio, but leave it to big government and beauracracy to ruin a good idea. Lipton Tea has sponsored a program to get people having a healthy experience in the national parks. So far so good. Wal-Mart chipped in on Lipton's program, at Pea Ridge, and donated a bunch of bikes to the park. As a result we could bike the eight mile loop as a family, rather than drive in a car. So far, so awesome.

The hiccup? Most of the bikes were in disrepair (missing any combination of pedals, gears, and brakes) and no one at the park was in charge of bike maintenance. And to be fair, they shouldn't be. They are park rangers, not bike repair pros. And that's what got lost in the shuffle. When this many huge companies are involved in a very local program, who amongst them is going to step and say, "Oh yeah, we'd love to supply the bike mechanics as well." That buck is just too easy for all three players to pass.

2. You get what you pay for. I'm not about to write flaming left-wing Letters-to-the-Editor crying out for more government spending and taxation, but leave it to our business and politcal culture to underfund a cool program like bikes in the national parks.

1. When canoeing in the fog, be alert for crazed jet skiiers. I went canoeing in a dammed river with Emily, my mom, and one of my sisters. It was really cool to paddle through the morning fog. Well, until we heard and eventually saw three jackasses blazing past us on their jet skis. There's no way on God's green earth they would have seen us, which is why we canoed over the river bank.

Add canoers vs. jet skiiers to two cultures that will never get along.

2008-08-01T12:18:00.006-05:00

Conversation With Emily #125

Emily and I went to the Twins game Wednesday night. The Twins stunk up the joint so we had some quality time together, along with 40,000+ other disappointed Twins fans. Being bored, Emily thought she'd be all wife-life and cozy up next to me.

Emily (with her hand on my bicep) Hey, don't you usually flex when I touch your arm? (Editor's Note: When I do this, I flex with irony)

Me I am.

Emily No, I mean really flex.

Me I am.

Emily Are you sure?

Oh snap.

Nasty Nate took this picture of me after I ordered a salad in a bar and grill last week. In my defense, I had a wild game burger the night before and wanted to take a breather from red meat.

2008-08-01T09:23:00.008-05:00

Gone Fishin Part II

July 11 found Emily and I celebrating our five year wedding anniversary in a very boring remake of Planes Trains and Automobiles. Well, I say it's a very boring remake because our travel plans went as scheduled. No crazy adventures with John Candy. But we did take the light rail (trains) to the airport (planes) and rented a car (automobiles) once we got to Sacramento. We went out there for a wedding and came back Sunday night, two days later.

So we drove out to Grapes of Wrath country but hung out on an organic farm run by yuppies-turned-farmers, rather than a Bossman and his 1200 Okie day-laborers. Hybrids ruled the scene, not jalopies. It was a very relaxed setting, with one exception. We stayed in a casino hotel near the farm. walking through the seizure-inducing, smoke-filled casino = not very relaxing.

Top Five Things I Learned On Trip #2

Four years later this blog has finally completed the hostile takeover of my other blog. So all lists will be found here, keeping Mrs. Deets off my back.

5. A lot of people in the casino probably couldn't tolerate five minutes in a Chuck E. Cheese. Irony, or just a contradiction?

4. This may have been a mistake.

According to to someone who knows a lot more about water resource management than I do, farm creek water, no matter how organic, is, um, less than clean. But I am sure the same can be said for any body of water.

3. Emily is a doctor. But this guy is The Doctor.

But I wouldn't follow his medical advice. He's not a real doctor. Well I guess I already knew that, so that's not something I learned. He's also not a Yankees fan, despite the Yankees hat. The Doctor is a Cub's fan. I'm also not sure why he's wearing two t-shirtd. He's an enigma. It was good to kick it with The Doctor again.

A lot of shenanigans went down at The Doctor's wedding many many moons ago. When I compare that to how tame this California wedding was, I realize we have indeed grown up over the years.

2. I ain't too bright. The car Emily and I rented had a keyless start. You push a button to start the car. We sat in the Hertz/Avis/Whatever parking lot for five minutes, the midday heat beating down on us, as I failed and failed again and again trying to figure out to start the damn car. Finally I had to get an attendant to help me. Turns out they don't teach "Car Starting 101" in college or grad school.

And then, once at the farm, I lost the keyless key for about ten minutes. Turns out they don't teach "How To Keep Track of Your Belongings" in academia either.

1. I love being married to Emily. Full disclosure here: I was hesitant to fly to Sacramento for this wedding for a weekend and then turn around the next day and drive to Arkansas. But she really encouraged me to do both trips, because she knew how important it was that I go to this wedding and how glad I would be once we did it. And she was right. It's not always fun to push someone into action (or be pushed), but I am so glad we went out to California.

Coming Soon: Our trip to Arkansas

2008-07-22T22:44:00.004-05:00

Conversation With Emily #7812

This afternoon when I got home from work, Emily alerted me to the fact that we were out of toilet paper. I have been married long enough to know that this was not a conversation starter or a statement of fact, but an indirect request for me to go to the store and buy some toilet paper.

So I grabbed the keys, let the dog know he was going for a ride with me to the store and was halfway down the stairs to leave when Emily stopped me.

Emily Wait. You know you need to buy a certain kind right?

Me Oh yeah I forgot. You're protesting the bears right (Editors note: I actually had forgotten Emily has specific toilet paper requests. Good thing she reminded me, or I would have ended up buying a Hannah Montana spiral notebook because it was on sale: two notebooks for 99 cents. I'd figure we could use the notebook paper as toilet paper).

Emily It has to be Cottenelle, the one with the puppy on it. No bears shitting in woods or bitches who cross stitch.

I have no idea what "the bitches who cross stitch" reference is all about, but I knew I had better come back with some toilet paper with a puppy on the wrapper. So I came back with mixed news: somewhere during the course of the evening I had to let Emily know I was able to buy Cottenelle, but only in a four pack.

Emily But they had jumbo packs of the other brands?

Me Yup.

Emily Well they must have been sold out of the big packs of Cottenelle because it's so popular.

I should add that she made this statement as if it is one of God's truths.

And what I love is how this was perfectly logical to Emily. It is assumed everyone who shops at the Walgreen's on 46th and Hiawatha in the Longfellow neighborhbood of Minneapolis adheres to the "Don't Buy Toilet Paper With Wrappers Depicting Bears or Bitches Who Cross Stitch" rule. As if it's a widely taught bathroom rule, right up there with "If it's yellow let it mellow" and "Knock before entering a Port-A-Potty."

2008-07-20T21:44:00.012-05:00

Gone Fishin Part I

Between the July 4th weekend and last night, Emily and I have made three trips. First, over the July 4th weekend, we went to Emily's family cabin near Hancock, Wisconsin.

Never heard of Hancock? I hope not. There's nothing to do there but farm. Or hang out at a cabin on some land near Hancock that your wife's family farmed over 100 years ago. I chose the latter.

We went with our friends Zander and Julie. We were also graced by the company of Emily's sister and husband and their two sons.

There was a perfect storm of photography mayhem the night of the 4th. My brother-in-law just happens to be Minnesota's best photographer and the light was perfect for taking pictures, at least according to the Mr. Minnesota of Photography.

So while we played with whiffle balls, Ben played with his camera.

Well, we humans played whiffle ball. Pancho chased a tennis ball.

Julie has also uploaded some more of Ben's photos on her blog. Click here to see them. Ben is such a good photographer that it is worth your time, even if you have no idea who Zander and Julie are.

Top Five Things I Learned During Trip #1
5. It is legal to shoot off pretty much any kind of firework in Wisconsin.
4. Pancho is terrified of most of these fireworks. Especially ones that look and sound like professional fireworks. And are fired off non-stop for 45 minutes. Less than 500 feet from our beachfront.
3. The one place Pancho feels safest when he's away from home is the backseat of my car. Actually I already knew this. But what I didn't know is he sheds like crazy when terrified.

2. Zander and Julie love s'mores as much as Ben loves building a bonfire as tall as he is. In fact Zander and Julie love s'mores so much, they will make them even while the fire is taller then Ben. Ben is taller than I am, meaning that was one tall, hot fire Zander and Julie broiled their s'mores in.
1. Leinenkugel's makes a summer shandy, which I liked a lot more than the self-proclaimed experts (snobs?) at Beer Advocate. Of course those guys have some sort of a grading rubric with its own language.

Here's my rubric for scoring a beer:
Does it go down singing hymns?
If the answer is YES, drink more.
If the answer is NO. Finish the beer anyway and do not order or buy it again.

I found Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy went down signing hymns. Some people less secure in their masculinity may slap the "girlie" label on this beer, but I don't care. I am comfortable enough to hold a bottle of it next to me. It's not like it's a Zima or something.

Coming Soon: Our trip to California.

2008-06-29T23:12:00.002-05:00

All Is Quiet On the South Minneapolis Front

Emily and I had a very active weekend. Friday she returned from Chicago and three hours later we were on our way to a wedding at Mill City Museum, where we had our own wedding reception almost five years ago.

Last night we went bowling at Memory Lanes with her sister and her family and then went to pretty funny improv show at Brave New Workshop.

But now our life is back to the pace that I prefer. We watched the Twins game this afternoon at Emily's aunt's house. At least once a summer we make a point of going to her house to watch a game OUTSIDE on her TV, while other people paid money to go into the Metrodome to watch the game. And the weather was awesome today, so it couldn't have been better.

But what post is meant to be about is s p a c e.

Normally, I get in bed after Emily and out of bed in the morning before her. So I covet the rare times I have the bed all to myself. What I found while she was gone for so long is that this is really overrated. Sure, it's great to stretch out and have the bed all to myself for five minutes, but then the novelty of that wears off and then I'm just a lonely dude hanging out in a bed by himself. It's kind of boring.

But I also leaned one aspect of bachelorhood that is decidedly underrated, in terms of space. Emily had her parked at work while she was in Chicago. So I had the garage all to myself. Of course, if I just sat in my car for five minutes, I would be even more bored than when I am laying in bed all by myself, so maybe the I just never stayed in the garage long enough for the novelty to wear off.

Regardless, man was that luxiorious having the garage all to myself. No more tight turns to fit my car in, or having to go back into to reverse to get my lined up how I like it. Keep in mind I am always the first to leave for work and we drive my car when we go places, so it is rare when I use the car without Emily's car already in the garage.

No siree, it was like having an eight line highway all to yourself. One one night I parked the car right down the middle. That was satisfying. Another night I parked my car on Emily's side and put my bike in my parking space.

All that space... made me feel like my garage was a McMansion.

Of course I'm glad Emily is back, even if the garage has a clausterphobia vibe once again.

2008-06-24T21:31:00.005-05:00

Bachelor Party

Emily has gone off and got her one of them booklearning degrees and an important job. As a result she travels a lot for work. She was gone from Monday to Friday last week and left today for another work trip and won't get back until Friday.

Needless to say I miss her. So does Pancho. I think the cats even miss her, the same way I missed bugging my older sisters when I was a bored eight year-old.

But I am proud of myself on several fronts. The house is still standing up. I washed the dishes tonight and cooked a meal for myself that included vegetables. I still get out and exercise. I even ran a pretty tough workout tonight. Two back to back sets of something I call the Texas Fartlek. I could tell you what it is, but then you would know my trade secrets. You know the secrets that allow me to run with no shirt or shame, but with a beer belly, pale skin, and a bald head. The Texas Fartlek kills your pride.

What is crazy is before Emily and I got married I was cooking all the time, mostly vegetarian. Lots of beans, rice, and salad. I ran pretty reglularly all by myself. I didn't need races or friends to help me along. Maybe I wasn't running as much, but when I did, I just ran for the hell of it.

Perhaps it was a matter of survival. Review the summary of my week last week. If I lived this way on a regular basis for the past ten years, my heart would have given up on me sometime between some pick-up baskteball game I played two years ago and this morning when I ran up the stairs at work.

Sunday Dropped Emily off at the airport. Went home and watched the Twins on TV with a can of Coke. Then biked over to my friends house where he grilled brats and burgers for dinner. I drank two or three of his beers and gave him a PBR and beef jerkey for Father's Day. His wife also served some salads she bought at Lund's. I was in bed by 11:00 p.m. This ended up being my healthiest night of the bachelor week.

Monday I went to the grocery store and bought fruit, believe it or not. Then I went for a short run, came home and finally got around to eating around 9 p.m. I had some of those salt and pepper chips I blogged about earlier for an appetizer and then an entire frozen pizza as my entree. Oh yeah, and a can of PBR. I stayed up past 11:00 watching the first 70 minutes of Once Upon A Time In America.

Tuesday Fancy Kirk and I ran a somewhat hard workout followed by Jucy Lucys at Shamrock's on W. 7th in St. Paul. We had two beers while watching the Celtics/Lakers game. We knew a third beer would park us on our ass. So I went home and watched the next 70 minutes of Once Upon A Time In America. I had some more of those salt and pepper chips and was glad I am too lazy to go the garage fridge once the movie is on. Otherwise that third beer would have been pretty tempting. I then read unitl about midnight.

Wednesday I had a Medtronic Twin Cities Marathon meeting. I drank a Coke and had three slices of pizza. This would end up being an appetizer (read on). No Handle Chad was at the meeting and chastised me for not blogging. I came home and it was too late to run. But it wasn't too late to walk the dog, eat another frozen pizza, and stay up past 11:00 finishing Once Upon A Time In America and watch some of the special features. Two beers were also involved.

Thursday I don't work Fridays, so I was out until 1 a.m. and in bed at 2 a.m. I went to The Hexagon Bar with my friend where I took in four bands and three beers. I actually had a healthy risotto primavera at the Birchwood Cafe, but this all has to be offset by how late I was up. I did get a run in and rode my bike to The Hexagon and Birchwood. When I got back home around 1:30 a.m. I polished off those salt and pepper potato chips.

One week does not an unhealthy life make. And I know there is no way I could lived like this for more than maybe ten days.

But this summary does answer my question, as to why I used to be on such regular good behavior before I got married. I didn't have a choice. I think left to my own devices I would find my feet again. But as unpracticed bachelor, I flail around a bit and end up eating potato chips at 1:30 in the morning. But this week has gotten off to a better start than last week.

For example, it is time for bed.

2008-06-23T20:46:00.006-05:00

Back In The Saddle

I went out for my quarterly sortie to Matt's Bar for Jucy Lucys with, among others, Fancy Kirk, Awalt, Los Deets, and Mrs. Los Deets.

I do not know if Los Deets will post a field report on his Jucy Lucy website, but I do know this: the waitress was the most organized and, dare I say, regimented server that restaurant has ever seen.

Anyway, Mrs. Los Deets scolded me for not blogging anymore. And I know she loves lists. So I thought I'd get back into the blogosphere with what's new. I have a new...

1. Favorite Restaurant Brasa has a simple menu and really good food. A great summer spot. Ride your bike there and then you can head over to St. Anthony Main for a nightcap. It looks like I have the next date night planned for Emily and me.

2. Favorite Bar The Hexagon Bar. Great live music that is usually free. Cheap beer. Half the bar is for the music; the other half is quiet enough to socialize. It has a mix of quasi-hipsters, locals, and aging lamies like me. It's like a cheap First Ave without the scene.

3. Netflix Series Emily and are caught up on Weeds (well maybe not, season three might be out now) and are now making our way through Entourage It's like Sex and the City for guys. But so far Emily has been watching it with me.

4. Favorite Twin Carlos Gomez. The Strib ran a story last week about how he was scared of a ghost in his hotel room. He sometimes tries to steal third for no appearant reason. He can outrun a comebacker to the pitcher (okay I exaggerated on that one). What's not to like?

5. Training Plan I will train for both the 5k and the marathon for the rest of the year. Is such madness possible? I will tell you after my first injury. I pretty much knew after my last race in college I'd never run that fast again, much less break 15:00. I knew I was too lazy to keep training that hard. But I always figured I could hop off the couch and break 16:00 until I was like 70 years old. Obviously I was an idiot back then; but I would like to break the 16:00 barrier one last time (I ran a 16:20 a few weeks back). I'll focus on a marathon goal after the Victory 5k in September.

6. Favorite Snack Kettle Salt and Fresh Ground Pepper Chips. A friend of mine introduced them to me last week. I have eaten an entire bag since then and I am still wanting more. Damn those sons of bitches at Kettle make good chips.

7. Hobby Biking everywhere. The same friend who got me hooked on those chips, got me hooked on biking everywhere. On Saturday I a) ran 18 miles through Afton State Park with Fancy Kirk and Grizzly Christ, b) worked in the yard for three hours, and c) biked to Dominguez with Emily. So I was pretty tired, but we had a summer solstice party to go to. We were both thinking we didn't want to go, due to fatigue. But as we rode our bikes there, we got so energized.

8. Favorite Day of the Year Summer Solstice in Minnesota just beat out Thanksgiving. We went to that party, which was a summer solstice patio party with awesome food and great beer, and last night we had a our solstice meeting at Matt's. It's like two Thanksgivings without the turkey.

9. Horrible Idea A Jucy Lucy turkey for Thanksgiving. Instead of stuffing, inject the bird with cheddar.

10. Blog to Read Coincidentally, it's all about one lady's quest to do new things. Check it for yourself. I have know Maureen since college, so I know a lot of things she's already done and therefore can't count them as new things. You know, things like "watch Mike shotgun a can of Busch Lite" or "chant ' PARTY! PARTY! PAR...' with a bunch of idiots." That would describe the four years she had to come across me in college.

2008-06-23T18:56:00.002-05:00

He'll Be Missed

There are a lot George Carlin routines that I love. His pacing and timing was as brilliant, if not more brilliant, than his content. His baseball vs. football routine is my all-time favorite, and somehow it is actually safe for work.

2008-05-05T20:54:00.003-05:00

The Ends Justify the Means

This afternoon I got an e-mail from Emily while I was at work suggesting we go out to dinner tonight and then to IKEA to shop for new deck furniture. Knowing my distaste for shopping, she knew the best way to woo me into this errand was to agree to eat at Dominguez Family Restaurant.

I loooooooooooooove Dominguez! But man was it crowded tonight. Maybe it was all the white people in Noko (downtown East Nokomis neighborhood) who wanted to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, even though they weren't sure what is was all about. Or maybe it's because because DOMINGUEZ JUST GOT AWARDED BEST TACOS IN THE TWIN CITIES!!! (open letter to The Harvest Moon Lover: Those all caps were for you).

So instead, we decided to go eat at Al Vento, across the street.

We struck gold, as bottles of wine are 1/2 on Mondays at Al Vento (as it seems is the case in most nice Minneapolis restaurants). So we drank a few glasses with our dinner (which was awesome) and they recorked the bottle and let us take the rest home.

Emily and I had a great time during dinner even as we scolded ourselves for never straying from routine and therefore only eating at Al Vento once in the past. Sure, Netflix, Parkway Pizza, and Longfellow Grill are great, but we have been missing out.

During the course of dinner, I spilled marinara sauce on my shirt and Emily got olive oil on hers. So we decided to skip IKEA and go back home so we could put stain stick on our clothes. Live it up yall!

But we REALLY want new deck furniture for nights like tonight when the weather in awesome. So do we regret how off track our plans went?

Not one bit. Emily said, "We can always have a picnic on the deck tomorrow night if the weather is good." I don't know if tonight can be called a perfect night. But for a Monday, it was pretty awesome.

2008-04-27T18:39:00.006-05:00

Boston Roll Call

My blood blister burst over the weekend. I am still sore but was able to get two runs in this weekend. Pancho is calming down from his separation anxiety. And like most of us, I have to a five day work week coming up. In other words, the dust from the Boston Marathon has finally settled. My summary is in the post below. For more stories...

Nasty Nate summarizes his race. Open letter to the Nasty Man: you are too hard on yourself. I think we all tend to second-guess ourselves after a race. Outside of the winner, all runners tend to analyze and deconstruct their race. We find things we did wrong or wish we did differently more than we celebrate what we did right. Bottom line: you ran a fine race.

I for one am already wondering what would have happened if I had been more aggressive after the first three miles.

So I admire Nathan's race in that he ran aggressively yet intelligently, compared to my "hedging my bets" style of running.

Awalt has a nice recap of how connected we feel to those who follow us from afar and some nice tidbits that explain why Boston is such a special occasion. And I agree, there is something emotional about crossing the checkpoint mat every 5k. You'd here the mat beep and you know your split time was being posted on the web for all your family and friends to see. I felt suddenly connected to my running friends here, Emily, and my family in Texas every time I heard that beep.

No Handle Chad summarizes his race here, talks about what makes the Boston crowd special here, and highlights the women's' trials and, well ME (sort of) here.

Fancy Kirk deconstructs his 2:55 and ends up feeling just as happy with his time as I did mine. Open letter to Fancy Kirk: your take that Boston is essentially for the 40+ year-old marathoner with disposable time and income is a good one.

Tall Colin has some pictures of me, Mr. Nasty, and Mr. Fancy, along with a story of why the Boston crowds are different than any other. A good read for sure.

2008-04-24T20:24:00.013-05:00

Running to The Walking City

Well, now I know why the Boston Marathon is such a big deal. It truly is special. There are runners who have tried for five years to qualify and finally did. And there are others who love the city and the race so much they have been there for the last 20 years. But no matter what, every runner is more excited to be at Boston. I feel lucky to have been a part of it all.

And I feel extremely lucky that we had ideal weather for the spectators and runners.

Here are the nuts and bolts of the race: I ran a 2:55, good for a PR.

I ran the (mostly downhill) first half of the marathon in 1:29 and I followed that up with a 1:26 second half. Somewhere between the 35k mark and the finish (42k), I must have thrown in an 18:00 5k.

So basically I sandbagged my way to a PR. I sat in the weeds for 16 miles. Halfway up the first Newton hill, I decided to start pushing it. Maybe not the gutsiest way to run a race, but it has to be the only comfortable way to run that course.

Now, onto the pictures, taken by Emily around mile 24.

Fancy Kirk, on his way to a 2:55 of his own. We had two very different races. Two guys who run a 2:55 in a marathon can have as much in common with their race as two golfers who both shoot an 85 in 18 holes of golf. Bottom line is, Mr. Fancy "schooled me" by 18 seconds, good for 5th fastest among Twin City marathoners.

Emily said I looked really happy when I passed her. This picture offers photographic proof to the contrary.

Duel of the Bald Guys.

What a race. The crowd really is unique in Boston. There is a connection we the runners have with the spectators that you can find nowhere else. From the families handing out sponges and water in the early towns, to the drunk college kids in Boston, and the rabid marathon lovers as we head into downtown, you really felt the crowd. They were just as much a part of the race as we were. They weren't just there to cheer on their friends and family. Instead they were there to cheer on the entire field.

No Handle Chad and and Tall Colin both did an excellent job of capturing what the Boston crowd is like.

And it was awesome to be a part of it. Here's to Boston 2009.

2008-04-14T07:24:00.002-05:00

Cool Pictures

Los Deets has cool aeriel photos of our neighborhood and some of St. Paul he took from an airplane. I wonder if I heard the plane as it was passing overhead.

Click here to see them.

2008-04-14T06:55:00.007-05:00

One Week Out

The Boston Marathon is one week away. Emily and I will be flying out first thing Friday morning, assuming the FAA and American Airlines will have their shit together by then. The race is Monday and we fly out the next day.

This isn't a marathon I really have a lot of goals for. I assume I will accomplish my basic goal: be healthy enough to start the race. After that, I'd like to finish, break 3:00, and anything beyond that is gravy.

No matter what happens in Boston, I already accomplished a huge goal, and that was to be in good shape at the start of spring. And I had a lot fun along the way, training with Fancy Kirk and Nasty Nate.

This picture is from the Run the Valley 5k/10k two Saturdays ago. The close observer will note that Fancy Kirk and Nasty Nate are both sporting champion's medals. I have an equipment bag. I was bascially their water boy. Kirk won the 10k, Nathan won his age-group in the 5k, and got beat by an Olympian. Me? I got to hold their Gatorade.

One of the highlights was doing our lone 20 mile run with Minnesota's most famous blogging marathoner.

Throughout the week, all four of us (myself, Fancy Kirk, Nasty Nate, and Chad the Blogger) will likely be updating our week of anticipation. Obviously, I'll stop after Thursday since I'll be in Boston and not blogging. Check in afterwards for full reports.

Click here for Fancy Kirk's blog. He already got up at 4 a.m. yesterday because of his marathon fever.

Click here for Chad the Blogger's updates. I see Chad once a month now, but thanks to his blog, it's like I see him every day.

Click here for Nasty Nate. If the shape of the Minnesota gets him fired up, imagine how hard he'll be typing on the keyboard, USING ALL CAPS, and lots of exclamation points as we get closer and closer to next Moday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

2008-04-13T19:20:00.004-05:00

Random List #6

1. Something I Cannot Do Whistle.

2. Something That Has Never Worked Another person saying, "What? You never learned how to whistle? It's really easy. Here, let me show you." And then the person proceeds to try to teach me to whistle before giving up after about 30 seconds.

3. Worthless Skill That I Am the Worst At (besides whistling) Foreign accents.

4. Last Place I Shopped Petco. I bought kitty litter and a new water bowl for the cats. Nothing for Pancho.

5. Today's Sign That I Am Getting Older I spent two minutes debating whether or not I should also by some new airtight food containers that Petco sells, but ultimately decided I should get Emily's input. Live it up!

6. Number Of Times I Ate at a Restaurant This Weekend Four.

7. Number of Meals I Have Cooked For Myself or Emily in 2008 Two.

8. Dumbest Argument I Had As A Child I got in a fight with my mom that my eyes were not blue, but red, because that was my favorite color. Despite the fact that she had all the evidence in her favor, she eventually agreed with me about seven seconds into the fight.

9. Least Favorite Condiment Mustard.

10.First Song I Learned All the Words To "The Gambler," by Kenny Rogers.

2008-04-13T19:13:00.002-05:00

Uncle F

I am an uncle to yet another child.

Click here for pictures. Emily sure looks comfortable holding eight pounds of human, compared to me.

No word yet what the new baby's name is. For now, I'm calling him "Q." And no word yet what will happen the the name of the blog, "followart." Art is Q's older brother, so the name of the blog will have to be changed. It just to show how much more complicated life gets when you double the number of kids you have.

2008-04-09T22:09:00.001-05:00

Elvis Is Back in the Building

Emily's blog is back up and running. It's as good as new.

Phew.

2008-04-08T06:36:00.003-05:00

Ugh-ly

Just because a basketball game is close does not mean it was a good game, or a well-played game. Last night's NCAA title game proved that. Basically, Kansas sucked less than Memphis in the end.

So does anyone think the pro or college game is better now than it was 15 years ago? Has anyone benefited from the fact that no makes it past his sophomore year before turning pro? The college game suffers. The pro games suffers. Fans suffer.

Oh yeah, players and agents really benefit big time, and we fans keep paying to watch. So I guess things will stay the same as long as this is true, no matter how much people like me piss and moan.

And now I have that &%*$#@!@! "One Shining Moment" song stuck in my head.

Oh well. Chalmers shot was pretty exciting.

2008-04-07T19:55:00.008-05:00

Random Question #890321

Do runners drink more alcohol than the average American?

The Deets already posted about a pizza party Emily and I had at my house last Thursday. Click here for his report on The Battle of Longfellow Pizzas.

We had all this pizza at my house as part of the "closing ceremonies" to an annual workout we run on a track near my house. So there were 12 of us over at my house after the run. After everyone left, I gathered, rinsed, and put all the empty bottles together.

The close observer will note a few Coke and Gatorade empties, but also an empty champaign bottle, to go along with all those beer bottles.

So as I was cleaning, I thought about my non-running friends here in the Twin Cities, my college friends (those who don't run anymore or played other sports), my family, and my high school friends. If you put all those people together, I don't know if all those people combined would have had as many beers as the 12 of us did on that Thursday night.

And this was a very tame social event. No one was even close to being out-of-control. It's just that we all enjoy drinking beer.

So I'm not suggesting runners are drunks. In fact, in all my years of running and knowing runners, I personally know of only one person who actually had a drinking problem. And that was in college. And no formal diagnosis was made. And that dude was never going to be a scoring runner on our team, in part because of his drinking.

So beer is at the center of most running circles, and I don't think it is unhealthy or bad. But I do wonder, is this true for other subcultures? Chess enthusiasts? Bloggers? Cartoonists?

2008-04-06T15:36:00.006-05:00

As Good As It Gets

Last night Emily and I went to dinner in Uptown with some friends of ours. On the drive back, as we went down Hennepin Avenue towards I-94, Emily asked about three times if I wanted to go to Sebastian Joe's. As I kept on saying, "No, not really," it dawned on me what she was really saying. She wasn't so much asking me if I wanted to go there, but telling me to.

But I had bought bag of Oreos the night before at Wallgreen's and had eaten many of them earlier in the day. And that was really all the sugar I wanted to subject body to in one day.

Or was it?

As we got on I-94, I realized Izzy's was more or less on the way home. So I suggested we go there. In my opinion, Izzy's is that good. I had overdosed on sugar to the point that I did not feel the need to appease my wife's request for ice cream, with one exception. Izzy's is just too good to pass up.

I ordered Coffee Break with Tiramisu as an Izzy scoop. They also had Peace Coffee flavored ice cream and coffee ice cream with Fine Grind Coffee--the coffee shop next door (thanks Emily for remembering that one). Three coffee flavors. Weird.

I can't wait for the spring to get warm enough for Emily and I to ride our bikes to Izzy's. That will be fun.

So now that warm weather is upon us, it is probably time to rank the best ice cream shops in Minneapolis and St. Paul.

5. Grand Ole Creamery. Maybe it's because the way they spell the word "ole" (a reference to Scandanavian culture?) annoys me, or maybe it's just because the ice cream is actually too sweet for me (I didn't know this was possible), but there are clearly four places I would go to before I go to Ye Grande Olde Creamerye. But I'd still go there if I was in the neighborhood.

4. Sebastian Joe's. Nice range of flavors. Good atmosphere. Maybe I don't go there enough. But in my opinion their ice cream has always been very good, just not as great as the three shops ahead of them. I guess I would describe the ice cream as dutifully delicious. But the Sebastian Joe's in Linden Hills definitely has the best outdoor seating of all the places on this list.

3. Crema. Home of Sonny's ice cream. I love Sonny's ice cream. Crema could probably be bumped up to number two, but they have so many other good desserts that Sonny's ice cream gets lost in the shuffle.

2. Pumphouse Creamery. A bit overpriced, but they do a nice job of using only (mostly?) locally grown and produced ingredients. They also do a good job of reminding you again and again about this fact. But the ice cream is good, I certainly support the effort to buy locally, and they have some fun flavors.

1. Izzy's. Izzy's has it all. Outdoor and indoor seating. A nice range of flavors. Solar power. The ice cream is creamy and sweet, but not too creamy and sweet. And of course, they have the izzy scoop.

2008-04-06T14:59:00.003-05:00

Technical Difficulties

Emily's Reuben Sandwich blog was accidentally deleted. She is trying to contact blogger to get it back on-line. So all you Emily fans take a step back from the ledge. I am confident her blog will be restored soon.

2008-03-31T22:26:00.011-05:00

PLAY snowBALL!!

Thanks to the greatness that is Emily's job, she was able to get four seats for tonight's Twins' season opener against the Angels. We had 12th row seats in between home plate and 3rd base. Crazed Twins fan Nasty Nate and his friend, an even more crazed Twins fan (complete with Minnesota Twins shoes with Minnesota Twins shoe laces) joined us.

Sure Torii Hunter made his debut as a non-Twin. And yeah, he did go 0-4 and strike out in the 9th inning. Oh yeah, Carlos Gomez is going to be a lot of fun for us Twins fans to watch this year. And of course TWINS WIN!!!

But none of that was the story this night. The pictures tell the real story of how baseball opens in the state of Minnesota.

Here I am in our front yard as we are leaving for the game. I'm fired up. It's time to tailgate! Are the coals hot enough for me to throw my burgers on?

The woman behind that parka is Emily. You can see the Metrodome in the background. Insert your own isn't-indoor-baseball-great joke here. Nathan got to the game before we did and said they made a big presentation of showing only 162 more home games to go before the Twins play in their outdoor new stadium. Irony.

My car in the parking lot after the game. Nothing sounds like spring more than anti-lock breaks kicking in on icy roads in front of four-way stop signs and baseballs deflecting off the speakers on the roof of an indoor stadium.

But inside the climate controlled Metrodome, it's always spring.

Here is Joe Mauer's first at-bat of the season. My ears survived the spontaneous and simultaneous shrieking of every girl between 12 and 25 years of age as he stepped to the plate.

And this is for folks like the like The Anginator. The Anginator was one of many people who texted us to say they saw us on ESPN when Torii Hunter first came to bat for the Angels. I guess ESPN first showed Nasty Nate's friend cheering and then panned over to me and Nathan taking pictures of Torii with our digital cameras. This is the picture I took of Torii Hunter while ESPN was taking a picture of me.

It will be weird having someone else besides Torii Hunter roaming centerfield. Carlos Gomez has a long way to go, but two stolen bases, two hits, and two runs is a nice start. Immediately after the game, Gomez went back out to centerfield to practice catching pop flies in the Metrodome. The Twins really need this guy to excel to help with damage control from the Santana trade. It's good to see he is doing his part to help with that mission.

Here's to a 162-0 season.

2008-03-30T22:14:00.007-05:00

Pancho Has A Question

Is it really supposed to snow tomorrow?

Because I speak for the both of us when I say we are both sick of having to run on days like this...

Especially when tomorrow is Opening Day for the Twins! Give it up for another year of indoor baseball in Minnesota!

And give it up for Emily, who was able to get some pretty good seats. We're going to the game with Nasty Nate. Should be fun. As per usual, the face of the Twins, Torii Hunter will be starting the season out in the Metrodome in centerfield.

What is unusual is the fact that he now plays for the other team, the Angels, who just happen to be opening their season against the Twins. The Minneapolis Star-Tribune ran a really nice story about how Hunter is fitting in with his new team. Click here to read the story.

The Twins will probably finish third in their division this year. Detroit and Cleveland are superior to them. Chicago is overrated, but Kansas City seems underrated. So I see the Twins battling it out with those two teams for third, significantly behind the Tigers and Indians.

But I have to admit, part of me is cheering for the Angels just because Torii Hunter is now on their team. When I was a kid I had one favorite team: whichever team Nolan Ryan was on. Torii Hunter is that kind of player.

2008-03-26T06:59:00.003-05:00

I FAILED!!

This blog may be the last outlet on the web to show ot link to this video, but so be it. Five different people e-mailed this to me. Well, I guess I passed the last four times I took the test.

2008-03-24T07:03:00.004-05:00

Happy Holidays Yall

A belated Happy Easter. I am always interested how a holiday of such spiritual and religous siginificance like Easter seems to seemlessly allow for such a secular or commercialized aspect. For example, how Peeps can be associated with the day marking the rising of our Lord Jesus Christ is beyond me. I guess it has also been a holiday for some to mark the upcoming Spring, though it's hard to believe that when it snowed all weekend up here in Minnesota.

Either way, the Pagan Peeps may have to get a holiday of their own. The St. Paul Pioneer Press now has an annual Peeps Diorama Contest. The winner gets a toothbrush for a trophy.

Click here for pictures and the story. There's a Peeps Goodnight Moon, Peeps Gulliver's Travels and Peeps doing yoga, to name a few. Very clever.

2008-03-24T06:49:00.002-05:00

Pinche Gatos!!

A few months ago, I was unpacking from a trip, I left the room for two minutes and came back to this.

Make yourself at home, Nacho. A lot of those clothes were clean. The operative word ther being were.

And then about a week later I entered the kitchen and saw Toonces found a new place to hang out. Some of you may think this picture is cute. I know someone who doesn't.

I'll hand it to Toonces: she broke nothing on this sortie to the top of the kitchen, which is full of fragile items. No harm, no foul, I say. But still, seeing her with those crack-addled eyes, like a strung out bull in a china shop, makes me want to scream "Piiiiiiincheeeeee gaaaaaatos!".

2008-03-18T20:40:00.010-05:00

Taking My Place In The Human Race

For runners in the Twin Cities, The Human Race is like the first day of school. The weather has a hint of a new season in the air, everyone is back in one place together again, we all have uniforms on, we're all excited to see each other, and we are all back to our cliques (but we have no problem being friendly with the cooler kids in the cooler cliques).

Before I go any further, it is time for full disclosure: a week ago I had no interest in running this race whatsoever. So, I gotta send a shout out to Chad Austin for being the straw that broke the camel's back as it was a conversation I had with him that convinced me to race. Chad and I are both on a committee for Twin Cities Marathon and we had a meeting last Wednesday. At the end of the meeting Chad said he'd see me Sunday at the Human Race.

"Yeah I'll go watch," I told him, "That's what I do every year."

I can't speak for Chad, but he basically looked at me like I had just told him I was going to skip the first day of high school because "I don't feel like going."

So I ended up running the race.

While I'm doling out props and love, I gotta give it up for Gene Niemi for sending me this picture of me he snapped near the finish line.

So like I said, Chad was the straw that broke camel's back. But my two Boston Marathon training partners Nasty Nate and Fancy Kirk also helped. They never pressured me, but each week they reminded me the race was coming up. So when we went for our weekly run on Thursday they made it clear to me how much fun it would be to run the race and be with the team. Especially because the beer and burgers would taste that much better post-race. So, I'm sending a shout out to them too.

I guess I was hesitant to race because I was less than happy with how I ran at the Frozen Half. I just wanted to get back to running for fun and not worry about place and time.

But then I wondered if I was being selfish and realized I'd be missing out in all the fun of running and racing with my friends. And that is way more important than how fast a 36 year-old bald never-was like me runs 8000 meters.

A funny thing happened on the way to the finish line. I ran over a minute faster than I thought I was going to. I knew the Human Race is a ridiculously fast course, but I factored that in, and I figured I break 28:30 and be okay with that.

So I was freaking shocked when the finish line clock was first close enough to read, and it said 27:15. I ended up running a 27:21. One more shout out to a very savvy veteran runner in Apple Valley (sorry Chad, it's not you) who told me if I opened with a 5:45 mile, and then get aggressive at mile two, and I'd end up running a 27:30.

This one came from Fancy Kirk who lent his camera to that Apple Valley savvy veteran runner.

So I opened with a 5:45 mile, felt good and decided at that point to start running aggressively, a mile ahead of schedule.

You know, I've learned it's easy to be zen runner when you don't run the time you want; but it's damn hard to stay even keeled and in the moment when you run over a minute faster than your goal time. Emily can attest to that. I was pretty wired when I got home from the race and post-race festivities on Sunday. And Emily gets the final shout out for putting up with all my weekends and nights spent running and talking about running. She also has been encouraging me to race more and have fun with it.

So as you can tell, I needed this race. I realize now that the TC10 in October and the Frozen Half this winter both affected my confidence. My challenge now is to remember what got me here. It was more than just hard work. It was letting go of trying to run certain times and enjoying every run, whatever it would bring. I wasn't doing that last fall.

My challenge is to hold onto that focus.

Here are some other recaps that are well worth reading.

Click here for Nasty Nate's recap. It's interesting to see how both of us needed the Human Race to give us back the confidence that the Frozen Half took away.

Click here for Chad Austin's take. The guy gets the Standard Deviation Award for how similar his performances have been over the past three years.

Click here to see what New Guy Nick has to say. As his name suggests, he is new to Minnesota, new to Team MDRA, but he's an OG runner. He's also good people. Anyone who will sit across me post-race at O'Garas as I deliver my rants, and not get up and leave out of boredom/frustration, is not just good people, but patient good people.

2008-03-06T22:19:00.008-06:00

Los Deets

Los Deets tagged for a meme.

Click here to see his post.

Here are the expectations:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

1. the Onion Ad Nauseum #13
2.Done, but it's hard to type with one hand (my left hand is holding my place in the book).
3. Done.
4. I quote:
However, the 46 year-old delivery for Tyson foods remains modest and somewhat bewildered by his gifts.

"I only graduated from high school and never went to college, so when people say I'm a hero or genius, I have a hard time believing them," Sullivan told reporters. "I did not have the advantages others have, so I am grateful to God for endowing me with this gift. I do not take it for granted, because I know how much it means to so many people."

Sutton then concluded his remark with his customary, keenly anticipated recitation of the 50 states in alphabetical order."

Thank God the meme instructions didn't have me type the first six sentences because the next sentence is the guy saying all the states up to Maine. Ugh, I wouldn't want to have to type all that out.

Anyway, that reminds me of Lower 48 by The Gourds.

Not the best video quality but the best sound quality I could get.
Texas reference at 4:25
Minnesota reference at 3:24
All the other states that don't matter: 1:46
5. And I will tag Fancy Kirk, Reuben Sandwich, Jocelyn, The Anginator, and Deb.

2008-03-04T20:44:00.010-06:00

Los Spurs

Spurs rule.

Los Spurs don't.

Today is March 6, the anniversary of the Battle of the Alamo. One hundred seventy-two years ago Santa Anna and Co. topped off a 13 day siege of the Alamo with a final assault of hand-to-hand combat. It took three hours to polish off most of the Texas soldiers at the Alamo. But Texans got the last laugh a month later when they surprised Santa Anna's forces at San Jacinto, and The Republic of Texas was born.

So even though Mexico won the Battle of the Alamo, the battle is regarded as an integral battle in what ultimately lead to Texas Independence. And white boys have been running the show in Texas ever since.

So doesn't it seem like an odd day for the Spurs to celebrate their Latin American fan base by wearing uniforms that say Los Spurs?

Don't get me wrong. I get why they went with a Spanish-themed jersey. Two of the Spurs' players are Argentinian and one of them, Manu Ginobli, is wildly popular. And San Antonio prides itself on its Mexican heritage. So a Spanish-based Spurs jersey makes sense. But maybe having the Spurs market and wear these jerseys in December rather than March 6 makes even more sense.

But that's not what really seems odd to me. My issue is that phrase "Los Spurs" makes even less sense.

First of all, it's not as if their regular uniforms say "THE SPURS" on the front. They just say "SPURS." So the "Los" makes no sense.

Instead, if they wanted a true Spanish version of the uniform it should just say "Spurs" in Spanish. I should look it up, but isn't espuela how you spur in Spanish? Maybe el patron de Los Spurs (Peter Holt, I mean Senor Pedro Holt) didn't want to do that because "Los Spurs" would have to be "Las Espuelas."

A team of 12 tough guys with a feminine ending? I don't think so.

As it stands, I know of no language where "Los Spurs" means anything.

2008-03-02T22:17:00.008-06:00

Jucy E-Mail

I am a fan of...
1. The San Antonio Spurs
2. The Nook in St. Paul.
3. La Tuna in San Antonio
4. Jones, my friend in San Antonio, TX.
5. The Anginator, my friend here in Minneapolis.

So what happens when these five forces of goodness mesh in one evening?

This is what happens. Maybe a little context will help.

About five weeks ago, Emily and I went out to The Nook for Jucy Lucys with The Anginator and her husband. Summit Winter Ale was on tap, I had a Matt Birk burger, and the company was good. I was still a little homesick from my last trip home, so I got to thinking, what would be the eqivalent in San Antonio of going to The Nook, where I can get that warm glow of being content?

Well, La Tuna in San Antonio comes close, but the warmth may be lacking when you go in December, since the place has no walls beyond the bar where you get your drink.

But back to Minneapolis five weeks ago. As the Anginator was driving Emily and I home, I had a few rants. In between rants, I remembered my last trip to La Tuna was with Emily and Jones. After Anginator dropped us off, as I was getting ready for bed, I remembered the Spurs were playing that night. I checked the score on-line and was horrified to see they losing by over 20 points. At home! It just seemed logical to e-mail Jones and e-rant against the Spurs.

With Jones at La Tuna. Find the real south Texas blogger and find the south Texas poser.

Little did I know I my letter would make its way into blognation. If I did, I may have cleaned up the language a little and maybe proof-read it so the former vs. latter agreement at the end of the letter didn't get crossed. Actually, I would have done neither. Fuck it.

Click here to read the entry.

His whole post is worth reading, because as I was getting ready for bed, he was at the game. Oddly, I think we both would agree, even though he had great seats, I had the better experience.

Reading his description of the SBC Center experience makes me nostalgic for the old HemisFair Arena where the Spurs played when I was a kid. I wonder if, decaeds from now, people will yearn for the Metrodome the same way we old Spurs fan yearn for The Arena, as we called it. In retrospect, it was a pretty crappy place to watch a game. But there wasn't one damn corporate thing about the place. And that is one reason it is missed.

2008-02-17T14:39:00.010-06:00

Fall of the Empire

Well I knew it was a matter of time before Asics discontinued its running shoe called the Empire. It was a niche shoe for guys like me who need all the arch support they can get. Anyway, today, I learned that the sun has set on the Asics Empire.

I had been running on the treadmill for a week straight. But yesteraday it was finally warm enough for my frostbitten face to be exposed long enough for a run outside. A treadmill really seems to absorb a lot of the shock my 180 pound body can throw at the ground. So it wasn't until I was running on a trail yesterday that it became very appearant to me that my shoes were flat, and it was time for a new pair.

This afternoon, I enjoyed a round of errands with Emily, which included a stop at Run N Fun so I could get another pair of Empires.

As an aside, Run N Fun is like Target for runners. They have so much stuff there, and so many deals, it is impossible to leave without making some sort of impulse or at least unplanned purchase. Case in point, Emily bought some shorts and I bought some $7 gel to put on my face to protect me from further frostbite. We had no intention of buying either of these items when we entered the store.

But as per usual, I digress. So, the shoe guy informed that the Empire was as good as gone. Asics had dropped the shoe, but has a new line of shoes, the 3000. He showed me that the 3000 is basically the Empire with a new name. So my feet are saved. But wait, there's more. He added that he also had some of the original Empires (now over two years old) in the basement he'd sell me for almost 50% off.

Not only, that he had three pairs in my size. Three pairs, at 50% off? Did I buy them all up? Does a bear... oh let's make this more topical. Does a squirrel hoard nuts in a tree?

It's hard to buy this many pairs of a discontinued item without bringing up The Sponge epsiode from Seinfeld

And I'd also like to add that picture verifies what Emily has been telling me all weekend. I need a haircut.

2008-02-17T08:01:00.005-06:00

Katrina Inc.

I have ranted previously about the lip service pro sports pays to the re-building of New Orleans.

Now it's someone else's turn. Click here to read Buck Harvey's take on the NBA's PR campaign in New Orleans this weekend, as part of its All-Star Game festivities.

After reading the story, it seems like a lot of the players do want to help and do something, while the corporate side of the NBA doesn't care as long as it looks like its athletes are helping. But don't take my word for it. Below is an excerpt from Buck Harvey's column.

But that's part of the disconnect about this weekend. The NBA had its dunk contests and opulence, and at the same time the league wanted to portray itself as a civic partner.

The league helped post-Katrina New Orleans just by bringing the All-Star Game here. But the "NBA Cares" program has always had the sincerity of a political-campaign photo op, and a marketing idea added to that. Then the league mailed work gloves to the media, when a house in the 9th Ward could have been rebuilt for the price.

The gloves were to promote a Day of Service, which involved putting millionaires to work with cameras nearby. A picture of Jason Kidd on ESPN.com summed up the so-called service; standing on a ladder, Kidd was surrounded by, among other devices, a boom mic.

But some athletes like to be involved, and Yao Ming was...

Click here for the whole story. Oh yeah, and Spurs rule.

2008-02-11T22:31:00.000-06:00

What Would Crap Look Like If It Took Steroids?

Who hasn't asked that question at some point in his or her life?

Well the answer is it would look like American Gladiators hosted by Hulk Hogan.

I went to the gym to run on a treadmill for the third day in a row, due to yet another cold snap here in Minnesota. In years past I would have just run outside, but I have developed some spots on my face that are frostbite prone, so running in the cold is to be avoided.

So today as i was running the television in front of me was showing American Gladiators. "This should make the next half hour go by fast," I thought to myself. It actually made the half hour feel like an hour. I was stuck watching the freaking NFL Pro Bowl nd a Lakers/Heat basketball game yesterday. Both, I thought were unwatchable. However, I'd take either one of those games over the new American Gladiators.

So far the best shows for treadmill running in my book are Wheel of Fortune and Law and Order. Both require only half your attention but are interesting.

2008-02-05T06:35:00.000-06:00

Reason To Get Cable #23178 vs. Reason Not To Get Cable #4378

One reason to get cable...

Puppy Bowl IV on Animal Planet. Who will win?

vs.

One reason not to get cable...

Non-stop coverage on ESPN 17 of the arrogance and hubris that is pro football. Actually, Tom, you're only going to score 14 points.

What will end up doing? Cable or no cable?

2008-02-03T22:17:00.000-06:00

Mikestradamus

Well that was a fun Super Bowl to watch. I am sure there are a handful of people out there celebrating how they predicted the Giants to win the whole time. Of course, no one can be happier or could have been more accurate than Plaxico Burress, the New York Giants wide receiver who a) caught the game winning touchdown and b) predicted earlier in the week his team would win 23-17, which caused the Patriots to mock his brashness.

The final score? Giants 17, Patriots 14. No one could have been more accurate than his prediction.

That being said, anyone can guess and sometimes get right the Super Bowl winner. In fact, some camel in New Jersey predicted nine of this year's 11 playoff games correctly, including the Giants win tonight over the Patriots.

Speaking of animals doing things that humans do....

The close reader of this blog will note that I inadvertently came absurdly close to predicting the outcome of tonight's Budweiser commercial. I'm talking about the ad where a dalmation trains a clydesdale to get in good enough shape to become a Budweiser clydesdale (set to Rocky music). In the end, the horse makes the Budweiser team, and ends up giving the dog a high five.

Those of you who know me well, or have read my rants before, know I hate, hate, hate ads that have animals acting like people. It's trite, overdone, and quite frankly, really lazy writing on behalf of the ad agencies. Yet people must love these ads because they continue.

So, I ranted about this before, and in that rant, I almost incidentally predicted the dog on horse high-five. See for yourself. Seventh sentence/fragment. Third paragraph. It's all there. Back then I even made it one of the labels for the post, just as I did for this one. Granted, I never said "horses high fiving a dog," but I came about as close in my prediction as Plaxico did in prediction of the score.

This would be from October 4, 2007

I can't stand commercials with animals acting like people. I blame CGI and the Super Bowl for the mainsteaming of this style of TV advertising

This evening during 30 Rock or The Office there was some ad with a bunch of monkies riverdancing. Really? Is that the best our creative talent, earning six figures can do?

I left the room half way through the ad. I did this in part out of protest, but also to get some more food. So I don't know what the ad was about. But it doesn't matter. Cheetas doing the macarena. HORSES HIGH FIVING. Penguins riding their Harlies to Sturgis. A squirrel farts and points to the squirrel next to him to pass the blame. It took me 30 seconds to come up with those ideas. They all suck, but some hybrid of these ideas will air during our next Super Bowl. When will it stop?!?!?!

Me and Plaxico. We should go into the psychic business with Dionne Warwick.

2008-02-03T14:48:00.000-06:00

Big Time Indeed

Congratulations to Zander and his partners in crime for being listed in Metro Magazine's "best blog" list.

Specifically, they got best comic blog.

If Metro Magazine ever has a category for "Least Read Blog About Running, Eating, and Other Random Shit No One Cares About," I think I may have a chance of making their list as well.

Until then, I'm just happy for my friend Zandypants.

2008-02-03T12:25:00.000-06:00

Stone Age Evaneglist

Ed over at Technology Evangelist has some questions he wants answered.

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! As a technology evangelist, Ed may be horrified that I still live in a world of paper (in fact part of the reason I am typing this entry is I am putting off all the paper shredding I have to do).

Here are the questions.

When was the last time you:

1. Watched a friend buy a newspaper so he could browse the classifieds? You got me on the one. September 1996. The "friend" was me. I had just moved to the Twin Cities and needed a job.

2. Heard a land-line phone ring at a friend's house? Again, that friend would be me. I answered a phone on my land line 30 minutes ago. Only it was an automated phone call with a recorded voice telling me to vote for Ron Paul because if he's President, he'll get rid of the IRS.

And about an hour before that, Emily got a call from Fancy Kirk on the land line. Now the reason for that is because Kirk knows I lost my cell phone again. And this is why I love the land line. It is a needed back-up for me since I'm always losing that damn cell phone.

3. Heard a dial-up modem connect? Yikes. That is a good one. We used to have dial-up about five years ago. Pre-blogging days. But I can't remember if it made the dial-up noise.

4. Watched someone go to a bank teller to withdrawal cash? That would also be me. The bank in Iowa City that I used had mirrors behind the tellers. So I would say the answer is I saw myself withdraw some cash to close out my Iowa City checking account in the summer of 1996.

5. Bought a book on a computing related topic? I personally last bought a book about anything computer related when I was in either junior high or high school. It was a booklet about how to make it through the 50 hardest levels of Championship Lode Runner. Matt the Hatt you out there? Jones? You guys may remember how obsessed I was with that game. I think I even wrote a short story based on the premise of that game. Yeah I was pretty cool back then.

But Emily did buy Blogging by Biz Stone about five years ago, which got her and then me into blogging. I'm sure that book is so very outdated and altogether unnecesarry.

6. Used the printed Yellow Pages? I use the White Pages (business section) all the time at work because they are in my office. I am too lazy to log onto the computer to use the web to look up a number. But I did use the Yellow Pages over the summer to find a junkyard to take away my dead 1988 Accord.

7. Received a link from a friend with driving directions from MapQuest? This may be worse than receiving a link: Last Sunday we went to a party and the invitation was two pieces of paper, with the second page being a MapQuest generated map of where the house was.

In terms of actually linking to Mapquest, I personally linked quite a bit when I was coaching the MDRA marathon training program over the summer of 2007. I didn't use the "tinyurl" thing until Ed taught me how. That's how prehistoric I am.

8. Turned on the TV rather than going to the web for more information on a breaking news story? I-35W bridge collapse. Or the Iowa Caucus, if you consider the results a "breaking news" story. I did go on-line for New Hampshire primary results.

9. Watched a full hour of television with commercials? Wednesday night. Law & Order.

10. Bought music on a CD? Three months ago? But that probably will be the last time.

Another good question to ask, when is the last time you paid a utility bill, mortgage bill, or credit card bill by mailing in a check?

Oh well, I should get back to my shredding.

2008-01-31T22:40:00.000-06:00

Hobby Horse Syndrome

The front page story in the St. Pioneer Press was pretty eye opening. Subprime borrowers are not the only ones to suffer from the possible looming recession. It turns out a bunch of horses who have no voice or choice in the matter are suffering even more. To the point that many are starving to death.

Click here to read more.

Click here to help.

2008-01-27T21:41:00.000-06:00

Keeping San Antonio Lame, One Blogger At A Time

Most of us are aware of the Keep Austin Weird bumper stickers and t-shirts (dare I say movement?) that have been around for awhile. Fewer people are aware of the Keep San Antonio Lame bumper sticker/movement scene.

A friend of mine from high school, Jones, is doing his part to keep San Antonio lame. And I mean that as a good thing. San Antonio has a lot to offer, if you know where and how and where to look. And you need to know a diamond in the rough when you see one.

The lameness to celebrate stems from the fact that it is a quiet, slow, humble lamness. Compare that to the arrogance and glitz of Dallas. I'll take San Antonio any day over that.

So Jones writes for The San Antonio Current which is that city's equivalent of The City Pages. He rides his bike around the city, takes lots of pictures on these rides, and goes to music and art shows. What he does is uncover all those diamonds in the rough that keep San Antonio so beautifully lame.

Maybe I find the lameness so wonderful because as much as the city is getting bulldozed and developed, there are still pockets of it here and there, that will never change. They will stay frozen as I remember them being from 1976 to 1990.

Click here for his latest entry. Even all you non-San Antonionians should check it out. He has a pretty interesting take on MLK Day.

Another reason to check out his post: he got a pretty cool picture of The Pancho Villa Lounge. If you scroll to the pictures at the bottom of the blog, it is the third from the last picture. I swear I've driven by that building about a hundred times on my way out to my sister's place in St. Hedwig. If that is indeed the building (it has to be), I will say this: no other building has ever held such intrigue to me the way that one has. What the hell was that place like before it closed?

A smaller, rural version of (a great San Antonio bar) La Tuna?

I guess my challenge to Jones is to find another Pancho Villa place that is still open. If there is one left in this country, I know good and damn well it's somewhere on the outskirts of San Antonio.

2008-01-27T21:07:00.000-06:00

The Zen of Regression

Like oops. The Frozen Half Marathon didn't go nearly as well I had hoped. Last year I ran a 1:20:30 good for 10th place.

This year I came in 20th place and according to what source you use, I ran anywhere between a 1:22:00 and and a 1:23:45. No matter what, much slower than a year ago.

The way I can't figure out my time makes me feel like one of those people born in more agrarian times, who isn't exactly sure what year he was born.

So why the discrepancy? Well,that's all that interesting. But I will say this: I have to rely on three differing sources for my time because I never actually used a watch to time myself. I don't normally wear watches when I run, even when I race. In fact, the only races I do wear watches for are the half-marathon and the full marathon. It is probably no coincidence these are by far my two weakest distances as a runner. Maybe I need the watch as a security blanket in these distances where I'm less confident.

So to break the habit of using a watch, I never used mine for yesterday's half marathon. To borrow a quote from The Spirit of the Marathon movie, I am trying to be a "zen runner," which is a runner who doesn't get caught up in numbers like pace, time, or distance.

Am I a zen runner? I don't know. I do know it doesn't really bother me that I don't know my time. Well, I do know it was slower than last year's. I also know I placed twice as low. It would be very disingenuous of me to suggest that I'm not bothered by either one of these tidbits.

But overall, I feel okay about the race. I could tell by mile five it wasn't going to be my day. And I have a good idea of where I'm at fitness-wise. I don't have any goals for the Boston Marathon other than to have fun. When the summer racing season heats up, then my zen running will fade away and be replaced by a desire for fast times.

And in the meantime, look how cool this year's mug is. It features a ceramic spoon that fits into the handle. This is my third Frozen Half Marathon, and I like the collection of mugs I'm getting from it. I'm sure someone out there has the full collection from every year. But I'm too zen-like to get hung up on material posessions or collections like that. I'm joking of course.

2008-01-25T06:50:00.001-06:00

Family Matters

The last time I posted about family matters, I was writing about a kid at work who wanted to show me his Urkle impersenation.

Fortunately, this post will not be Urkel related. Rather it is a post to plug my aunt-in-law's blog. A few things worth knowing about Aunt Deb: she is one of the in-laws I have who will watch sports with me, she is running her first marathon this summer, and she's good people.

Click here to check it out. She was even thoughtful enough to write this post calling me out, for calling her out for the lack of posting on her previous blog.

2008-01-24T06:42:00.000-06:00

Busman's Holiday

Holy crap. Kirk already posted how we have less than three months before the Boston Marathon.

I have two days until the Frozen Half Marathon, which for me, is the opener to my racing season.

I am not exactly overly-prepared for both. In my defense, it's been absurdly cold. Like many Minnesotans I have been relegated to the treadmill during this cold snap. Emily joined Lifetime Fitness a few weeks ago, and last I joined her. So I haven't been running outside in over a week.

But tonight I am going to see this movie. So if I can't train for the marathon properly, maybe I can just perfect the art of watching a movie about a marathon.

2008-01-15T20:37:00.000-06:00

TV Snacks Has Met Its Match

The friendly blogger over at TV Snacks has put her quarterly post out there, and is now headed back into blog hibernation.

Is the same true The Anginator? Cripes. Watching to see which of these two ladies can blog the fastest is like watching two snails have an underwater swimming race.

Anyway, I finally got around the adding The Anginator to my Blognation links to the right. I recommend adding her to your Google Reader, because you never know just when she will post again.

Maybe it seems I'm being a little harsh on a new Blognation friend. But I feel I'm allowed to harass her for not posting more frequently. She gets on Emily's and my cases pretty good when we aren't posting with a frequency to her liking. Plus The Anginator is pretty freaking tough. I know she can take it. And she's good people.

So go check out her blog. Maybe it will pressure her to post some more.

2008-01-14T06:58:00.000-06:00

Half-Frozen

I woke up this morning, went downstairs and got the paper off the porch, and about froze my extremities off in the three seconds I was out there. It's a balmy six degrees out this morning.

I decided, is any better way to start out a frozen day by signing up for the Frozen Half Marathon? So I did just that. The close reader will remember I ran and subsequently wrote about this race last year.

My high goal this year is to break 1:20. I'm sure how feasible that is, which makes it a good goal, I guess. I posted my high goal for the Twin Cities Ten Miler this fall, and missed that goal by over two minutes. So I'm hoping it's not bad luck to put the high goal for any race on this blog.

2008-01-13T20:08:00.001-06:00

Lazy Mike Goes Viral

Check it out. I'm all over the web.

Click here and here to see the web phenomenom I've become. I never knew hanging out in bars drinking beers (while my friend drinks Diet Pepsi) and eating absurdly unhealthy burgers was going to be my ticket to fame.

Suck it, young Hollywood, and The Other Mike N. (not to be confused with The Other Mike who frequently comments on The Deets). The Other Mike is good people, and, more importantly, not a threat to overtake my title as The Biggest Sensation On The Web For The Next 15 Minutes.

2008-01-13T10:57:00.000-06:00

Shuttle Runs

Yesterday I was flipping through the channels, and stumbled across an equestrian event I had never seen before, called cutting. Check out the video. You don't need to read Seabiscuit to realize that horses really are athletes.

I don't know enough about cutting to know if it's more impressive to cut a spry calf, or a lumbering but strong buffalo. But I do know cutting a buffalo looks pretty cool.

It seems to me, though, that a huge piece of this sport is mental. Yes, you have to ride and handle an athletic horse, but you and your horse also need to have the attitude that you can stare down and control the bull. If you get a fearless calf, it may have no problem running right past you, no matter how quick and agile your horse is. For example, Toonces would be harder to cut from a cat herd than Nacho, no matter how athletic Pancho is.

And that's one of the things I saw on TV yesterday. As far as I could tell, half the challenge as a rider is to a) identify the calf you think you can control and b) actually be able to separate that specific calf from the rest of the herd.

Then somehow you are also judged for style. I don't know how they do that.

2008-01-12T14:05:00.000-06:00

One Big Happy Family

Or judging by the look of resigned tolerance on Pancho's face, perhaps I should change the title to just "One Big Family."

One of Pancho's dog beds (yes he has more beds than we do) is at the top of the stairs by our bedroom. He does little to keep the cats out of his bed, so they have come to think of it has their bed too.

I believe I have previoulsy posted a picture of one cat in the bed with Pancho. But I've never seen both cats with him. In fact, I took this picture this morning because it was the first time I had seen all three of them on the bed together.

Pancho seems to prefer Nacho out of the two cats, just like Emily and I do. Only a true cat lover could fall for Toonces and her freakishly, chronically dialated eyes. She looks like a meth addict, for all I know. I've never seen a meth addict, but I picture them running around all jacked and spazzed out, with hyper-dialated pupils. And this is a perfect description of Toonces.

But Toonces can be calm at times, and Pancho seems to appreciate that as much as Emily and I do.

2008-01-07T22:18:00.000-06:00

Four Things Don't Make Sense To me

I'm not implying that these things don't make sense. They just don't make sense to me. Maybe it's because I ain't too bright.

1. Budweiser has launched an ad campaign that gives off the appearance of a brewmaster giving us a lecture on beer in the social room of his microbrewery. He holds up a glass of Budweiser to the light and remarks on its beauty and clarity. He says something to the effect of "See how clear it is? A darker beer can hide impurities. This beer can't."

Maybe there is someone who knows more about beer than I who can set me straight. But this makes no sense to me. First of all, using his logic, Zima is the greatest alchoholic beverage ever.

Secondly, all beer, outside of Guiness, is translucent. Whatever "impurities" he's worried about could be found by holding most any beer up to the light.

Thirdly, and here is where I must plead ignorance, what impurities does he fear? And can they really be detected by holding beer up to light? Are we talking about a mouse in a beer bottle?

2. The crux of Hillary Clinton's campaign is that she is the most experienced candidate among the Democrats. Once you look past Edwards' and Obama' charisma and energy, what you see are two guys way too naive and inexperienced to run a super power.

One problem, though. While she's touting the importance of experience and downplaying eloquence and charm, Bill Clinton is often standing right next to her. Does anybody remember what Bill Clinton's strengths and weaknesses were as a candidate for President in 1992? I think they were eloquence, charm, and inexperience. It seems like a bad idea to have a living, breathing example standing right next to you, inadvertently contradicting your argument that experience matters.

3. Did anyone see Roger Clemens on 60 Minutes last night? One of the things he said was he works out three freaking times a day. So he doesn't need steroids to be in such good shape, even though he is over 40.

One problem: he's over 40. There's only one way I know of that a 40 year old body can withstand three workouts a day without breaking down. Take steroids.

Granted, I'm not a professional athelete, but I have been athletic most of my life. And now at age 36, I fall apart if I workout seven times a week, let alone 21. I think that by saying his body can withstand three workouts a day, he has basically piled more suspicion on himself that his on steroids. Oops.

4. What the hell is Ohio State doing in the national title game?

2008-01-03T19:55:00.000-06:00

If I Had A Billion Dollars, I'd Buy Back My (Neighbor's) Old Room

Since there are only about six of you who read this blog, I'll be lucky if two people get the lame reference to the song Making Fun of Bums that titles this post.

When I finished high school my mom sold the house I grew up in since I was four, and she moved to a new neighborhood. When I was in Texas last week I went for a run through my old neighborhood, past my old house, for old time's sake.

One of the nice things about running past the old house, is everything looks pretty much the same, aside from some minor lanscaping changes (a few trees have been removed, some bushes have been mercifully trimmed, things like that). The house is still the same color, and some of the very same plants are still in some of the planter boxes.

It's comforting to see something as remote and abstract as my childhood home still more or less intact.

So it was most unsettling to run past the old house, with everything looking pretty much the same, and then see that the house next door had been completely razed. Imagine my surprise when I saw this.

A red 1950s rambler used to be in that lot. That house has been burned into the folds of my memory, so it makes no sense to my eyes that it is no longer there.

The Ls were an elderly copule who used to live in that house. Mr. L had about eight dogs (no exaggeration), who enjoyed life in a heated dog house in his back yard. Our two houses alone must have dropped the property value of the other houses on our block by a good 20%. He had all those dogs, and we had five ducks and two of our own dogs.

I don't remember too much about the Ls. They had two granddaughters that my sisters and I used to play with (I can't remember their names), but I didn't see them much after I was around seven or eight years old. You know, I thought girls were gross, and I actually was gross. So that pretty much ended any friendships I had with those two girls. I also remember Mr. L often cleared his throat by hawking a big loogie and spitting it out as he walked out to check on his dogs. I know this because we could hear him from inside our house, even when our windows were closed.

I didn't see much of the Ls as I progressed through high school. One Saturday afternoon I heard an ambulance pull up on our block. I walked outside to see what was going on and the ambulance was parked in front of the Ls' house. I was going to walk over to see if everything was okay, but Mrs. L just waved "hi" to me and calmly walked in the house with the paramedics. That was the last correspondance I would have with her. A few days later my mom told me Mr. L had died.

According to my family this lot has been vacant for about a year. So the tear down part is done. I wonder what kind of house will eventually take its place. I know that neighborhoods evolve and houses get replaced, but it was still such a stark change to run by.

As the old saying goes "you can never go home again," and I don't really want to. But even so, it is unnerving to have such concrete proof right in front of your eyes.

2008-01-02T18:24:00.000-06:00

Fat Fight

I-35 connects Minnesota to Texas. Minnesota seems to have its own rivalry with Texas, although most Texans are not aware of this.

But let's just say for a second Texans and Minnesotans had equal feelings about such a rivalry. Say a friendly, trivial rivalry like St. Paul vs. Minneapolis. For example, St. Paulites brag about the Cathedral, The Nook, and the Science Museum. Meanwhile, Minneapolitans puff their collective chest out over the Basillica, Matt's, and The Walker.

So what if St. Paul, Minneapolis, and the rest of Minnesota joined forces to take on Texas?

Minnesota could boast The Jucy Lucy. Texas would counter with deep-fried catfish.

A Jucy Lucy from The Nook in St. Paul, MN

vs.

Fried Catfish Platter from Brieztke's Cafe in New Berlin, TX

Who would win?

2008-01-01T20:30:00.001-06:00

Southern Lights

Happy New Year everyone. Emily and I spent the week from Christmas Day to New Year's Eve in San Antonio. Part of our stay was in St. Hedwig, Texas, which I learned is the second biggest municipality in Bexar County, outside of San Antonio. Who knew? Well, my brother-in-law knew, and now I do, since he told me. Anyway, 30.1 square miles? Not bad for a town of 1,875 people.

Anyway, my sister and her family live out there. While the snow was flying in Minnesota, Emily and I were treated to warm weather and lots of sun. While we were in St. Hedwig, we also saw this sunset on Friday night.

Suck it, Aurora Borealis.

2007-12-18T22:37:00.001-06:00

Who Ordered So Many Damn Spoons? Who Do I Have To Talk To Around Here So I Can Get A Knife?

Irony:Sitting in front of the TV, watching 90 minutes of The Biggest Loser season finale, while mindlessly eating mediocre chocolate snowmen that some kid gave to me at work today as a Christmas gift. I would have been eating some caramel popcorn that had clumps of chocolate in it (another gift from a different kid), but Emily didn't bring those to me because the popcorn "had too many wrappers around it," and would therefore be too much of a pain in the ass for us to open. I like the way Emily thinks.

2007-12-16T11:54:00.000-06:00

Snuffalaffagus Gone Country

Cuy Clark's last album from 2006, Workbench Songs, has a song called Analog Girl.

Click here for the lyrics (you may have to scroll past a few ads at the top of the page).

Does such person really exist anymore? If she does, she probably doesn't live in Minneapolis.

2007-12-12T22:56:00.000-06:00

Dude, Where's My Platoon?

I wonder if between Sunday night and Tuesday night, I set Netflix history. Specifically, I think I may have had two movies, side by side in my queue, that are unrivaled in terms of how different they are from one another.

On Sunday night, Emily and I watched this movie.

Then on Tuesday night, I watched the next movie in our queue, which was this gem.

So the question is, can anyone match this pair of movies in terms of their polar opposites? The only stipulations are that no more than 72 hours separated the viewing of the two movies, and that you didn't watch any other movie(s) between the two movies.

If you can top my movie pair, I'll send you my own copy ofthe hard-to-find DVD, Gandhi: The Animal House Years.

2007-12-02T18:00:00.000-06:00

Keep Tahoe Blue

I finally got around uploading my digital photos to the computer. Emily already posted about our trip to Lake Tahoe in October. We went there to see our friends' wedding. It was a lot of fun. I gambled. We drank some beers. We went for some hikes.

A good time was had by all. Here are some pictures from our trip.

The first two pictures are from the shores of Lake Tahoe. The resort we stayed in had access to the beach. It was startling just how much of the shore is private property. Some friends of ours actually went for a swin the lake. And by "swim" I mean they jumped in for 20 seconds, got out, huddled by the fire, and told how cold it was.

The next two pictures are from a hike we did at Snowflake Lodge.

The last four pictures are from our hike along the Tahoe Rim Trail.

2007-12-02T17:31:00.000-06:00

There Goes The Neighborhood

In early November, or more accurately from early November to mid-November, a friend of mine from high school stayed with us on and off for about ten days. It's a long story, but he was stationed here as part of his job. And it's an even longer story to explain why part of his job entailed having a Penske moving truck parked in front of our house while he was here. I was just happy to have another crazed Spurs fan to hang out with.

But one morning Emily took Pancho for his morning walk and found that my friend's moving van had been tagged with graffiti.

It is kind of funny that his van got tagged. But it is not so funny that such an elaborate paint job occured in front of our house. Kids/gangstas these days...

2007-11-13T20:59:00.000-06:00

I Have Measured My Life With Grand Slam Breakfasts

This afternoon at work I was talking to one of those twentysomething crazy college kids. Part of his story involved a late night sortie to Perkins on a Friday night. And that got me to thinking about restaurants like Perkins. Is there a name for this genre of restaurant? The Diner Chains? You know the ones I'm talking about: Perkins, Denny's, Bakers Square, Jim's, Village Inn...

So far as I can tell, for a restaurant to be included in this group it must have at lest seven of the nine following traits.
-Open 24 hours a day.
-Breakfast served at all hours.
-Has to be a chain or franchise.
-Wide range of desserts, especially pie.
-Standard, dutiful hamburger and sandwich menu.
-Bright, low hanging lights.
-Utilitarian seats, booths, and tables.
-Laminated menus with lots of pictures.
-Nicknames for their menu items (i.e. Grand Slam Breakfast, The Perkins 7)

It seems to me these restaurants fade in and out of our lives. Here's the stages I've come up with.

Stage I The Home Cooking and Fast Food Phase. Birth to five. Kids are too young to really enjoy restaurants outside of saw dust nuggets, er chicken nuggets, marketed with the help of a clown and shitty plastic toys from China.

Stage II The Introductory Phase. Age five to 11. These restaurants are a special treat at this age. A nice place to get an awesome breakfast or lunch. As a kid I used to frequent the Denny's by mom's bookstore. It was a great place to eat breakfast or have breakfast food for my lunch. It was also a big deal if we got to go to Jim's for lunch and get what, in retrospect, is a very standard hamburger.

Stage III Hiatus #1. Age 11 to 15. During this age kids are too busy with school, sports, or other hobbies. Also the palate becomes a little more refined so there is now a wider range of places a kid will want to eat at. This combination of schedule demands and a refined palate leads to fewer trips to Denny's or Perkins.

Stage IV Keep The Party Going Phase. Through high school, college, and the immediate years after college, these restaurants serve as great gathering place post-moive, post-party, post-barhopping... You don't go there for the fine dining and ambiance, so much as for the fact they are open late and you can get pancakes at 2 a.m. Dude!

Stage V Hiatus #2. The Boring Grown-Up Phase. Welcome to me. If I am going to spend my money going out-to-eat, it sure better be with good company, over good food. So breakfast and lunch at Bakers Square is out. Also, my Friday nights usually end by 10 p.m. when my Netflix movie is over. So a late night run to Perkin's is out.

Stage VI Stage III Revisited. This is for all you parents who have kids aged between five and 11. They want to go to Denny's for breakfast. You take them.

Stage VII Hiatus #3. This is when your kids have outgrown stage III. Once again, you have no reason to go to Village Inn.

Stage VIII The Blue Hair Phase. I don't know why, but I always see senior citizens at Perkins. Maybe the food is easy to digest. I guess I'll find out for myself in 35 years if all goes well for me.

2007-11-12T07:03:00.000-06:00

Dirty Dog

There are many subtle (and definitely not-so-subtle) differences between living in San Antonio and living in Minneapolis.

One subtle difference is, in Minnesota, you have to drain and turn off the water to your outside water faucet by the end of November. If you don't, you may have some frozen pipes to contend with.

No one loves this cold-weather-living tidbit than Pancho. Like most four year old males, he HATES baths. I give him occasional baths in the bathtub during the winter but it makes a huge mess. Such a mess that I prefer him to be a little stinky rather than subject him to water torture (or at least that's how it feels to him). He gets so scared in the bathtub when I rinse him off.

So Pancho may miss the trips to the lakes and swims in Minnehaha Creek that summer brings. But he also really enjoys winter, and the lack of baths that it brings. Next weekend will probably be Pancho's last bath for many months.

2007-11-11T18:29:00.001-06:00

Rant Emily is Sick Of #893909

Is anyone else bothered by the commercials Visa has been running designed to make the use of cash seem obsolete, old, and lame? These ads have been bothering me for a long time. I know Emily has seen them, because she has been listening to me rail agaisnt them everytime we see one.

Well apparently I'm not the only one who feels this way. Click here to read exactly why these ads bother me. It mirrors the rant I would have written, only the link provided is written in a much more concise and informed fashion.

The ad that really bothers me is one that features the New Orleans Saints. The ad shows a bunch of football fans in New Orleans marching around alive and well. New Orleans is back! Life is good!

Nevermind that New Orleans' post-Katrina population is less than 60% of its pre-Katrina level. Apparently we are all supposed to feel things in New Orleans are going GREAT because they have a pro football team. So New Orleans is now some feel good story just because it has pro sports and conventions. Doesn't that trivialize and gloss over the fact that city has a long way to go before it can be put back together again. Or the fact that in 2005 freaking corpses were floating in the streets?

END RANT HERE

2007-10-29T18:18:00.001-05:00

Holy Crap!

My sister sent me a link to one of the craziest football plays I have ever seen.

Click here to check it out. I promise, even if you're not a football fan, you'll be glad you did, if only to hear how excited the guy doing play-by-play gets at the end.

Only in Division III football could something like this happen.

Even if you are not a sports fan, and don't know the difference between a lateral pass and a ladder, you shoud watch this play. Case in point, my sister probably never knew what a lateral pass until she saw this play (it features 15 laterals).

And because this blog is all about me, I should add that the team featured in this play is Trinity University in San Antonio, less than two blocks from where my mom lives. It is also where my sister works (hence her knowledge of this play). And its campus was one of Shakie's favorite places to roam aimlessly.

2007-10-28T22:26:00.000-05:00

YAWN

Well, another World Series is about to pass. Over the past three years, this is what has happened....

2007 Boston beats Colorado 4-0

2006 St. Louis beats Detroit 4-1

2005 Chicago White Sox beats Houston 4-0

2004 Boston beats St. Louis 4-0

So in other words, over the past four years the World Series Winners have won a total of sixteen games, while over the past four years the World Series loser has won a total of one game.

To quote Nothing Ever Happens On Mars (from Waiting For Guffman), "Boring. Boring. Boring."

This year the World Series has been especially disappointing because the regular season was so exciting. There were a lot of great individual milestones (not just Barry Bonds' home run chase), some exciting pennant chases, and some magical teams to watch.

So the one game playoff between the Pardes and the Rockies before the playoffs series even started was probably the peak of the season. Everything since then has felt like a slow march towards the inevitable: the crowning of the Red Sox.

So I'll put a wrap on the season with two final thoughts.

1. People who dislike the Yankees with their ungodly payroll and arrogance, should have equal disdain for the Red Sox.
2. The Twins were disappointing this year, and I predict they will disappoint even more next year.

2007-10-27T21:50:00.001-05:00

Conversation With Emily #980

Tomorrow morning I plan on playing a one-on-one basketball game with a friend of mine. We'll call him The Newlywed. Full court one-on-one, that is. Full court one-on-one to 300. Full court one-on-one to 300, counting by ones.

Obviously, this game alone is reason enough to write a post. But this post is about a conversation Emily and I had about this upcoming, non-so-much anticipated game.

Emily: So, is anyone going to watch you guys play the game?

Mike: God no. Me and The Newlywed playing basketball? Do you have any idea how ugly this game will be?

Emily: So who will be shirts and who will be skins?

Mike: No one.

Emily: What do you mean? You said it was going to be ugly.

Oh snap.

2007-10-23T19:17:00.000-05:00

R.I.P. Little Buddy

This dog, Shakie, has been in one house or another of mine (or my family's) since 1992. His story is long, sweet, and sometimes very sad. But all in all he lead a good life. My mom had to put him down last week. And thanks to her, his life post 1994 was stable and happy.

I don't believe in heaven. So I sure don't believe all dogs go to heaven. But I wish like hell they did. Cripes. If only some dogs got to go to heaven, or a a select few went, Shakie would be pushed to front of the line to have his back scratched by St. Pete and let inside. Shakie was that sweet of a dog.

I'll write more when I'm emotionally equipped to do so. But much thanks to my mom for giving this dog a real home and a good life.

2007-10-23T18:47:00.000-05:00

Libertad Fries

Emily and I spent last week in Lake Tahoe. I won some money betting on the Colorado Rockies and Cleveland Indians. And I broke even playing video poker.

And by "break even" I mean I drank a "free" beer for every $5 I spent (and lost) in the video poker machines. All told I had four "free" beers over two nights.

So if I ever get around to it, I'll get some pictures of our trip up on this blog. Just as soon as I get motivated enough to get the pictures uploaded to the computer.

In the meantime, one of the most blogworthy parts of our trip occurred early on. We flew into Sacramento, got our rental car, and then headed east to Tahoe, with only one thing on our mind: when can we eat?

So we came to some Sacramento suburb called Roseville. Since there is a suburb called Roseville here in the Twin Cities, it was only logical we stop there in quest of food.

We found a strip a mall and before you can say "Shitty Dodge rental car crossing four lanes of traffic at once, just to make a left hand turn," I crossed four lanes of traffic to make a left hand turn in our shitty Dodge rental car.

Why, you ask, did I put my wife, myself, and our shitty Dodge rental in peril?

Del Taco.

Admittedly, I've never been to Del Taco, but the name was so absurd and promising at the same time, we had to go.

And Del Taco did not disappoint. It was a step above Taco Bell, and better yet, everything had a Del in the name. McNuggets? McShake? That's freaking annoying.

But it's all about presentation. Change that to Del Nuggets. Did somebody say Del Shake? I'll take two of each please.

But that wasn't the best part. The true surprise came when I ordered some Del Value Menu item (I believe I had Del #6) and I got some French Fries to go with my tacos.

How awesome is that? DEL AWESOME! That's how awesome!

Is this what all them fancy people mean when they talk about "fusion cooking?"

So I went to the Wikipedia entry for Del Taco, expecting there to be a mention about how you get fries with your Del Burrito, but for some reason it has yet to receive any mention. Click here to see for yourself. Sure the entry dances around the fact that it has burgers AND Mexican food, but it needs to say outright, "YOU CAN GET FRIES WITH YOUR TACOS!!!!"

Yo Deets! are you out there? I did your freaking "two things about me quiz." It's about reciprocity. So get over the wikipedia and fix that Del Taco entry. The people need to know you get fries with your Del Chimichunga!

2007-10-21T22:51:00.000-05:00

The Deets Is As The Deets Does

The Deets suggested I'd be the most likely to follow through with his request to this...

JUST TWO THINGS
Send this back to the person who sent it to you and the rest of your friends!

Okay, so he received it as a chain e-mail and turned it into a post. And I feel obliged to do fill out the list, since he said I would. Plus, you know how I love my lists.

Two Names You Go By:
1. Rocco
2. Funny Mike

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. A North Face jacket. Emily bought one for me last year and has one that matches mine.
2. t-shirt commemorating the San Antonio Spurs as champions of pro basketball in 2007.

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:
Either I'm not smart enough to answer this question or it is simplifies relationships too much. Either way, I can't answer it.
1.
2.

Two Things you Like to Do:
1. Run with friends.
2. Go out to eat.

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. The swelling on my tongue to subside. I bit it so badly this morning that it looks bruised.
2. To be able to sleep in tomorrow, which I won't.

Two Things you did Last Night:
1. Hung out with a friend at the C C Club until it closed.
2. Made chocolate cookie bars, and as a joke spelled "S'UP BRAH?" in chocoloate chips on the bars. Then as I drove over to my friend's house with these bars I passed a car that had a vanity plate that read "SUP BRA." Weird, right?

Two Things you Ate Today:
1. Some of those "S'UP BRAH?" bars.
2. Leftover "Ropa Vieja." Cuban food cooked by aforementioned friend (not actually "old clothes").

Two People you Last Talked to:
1. My mom.
2. Nathan.

Two Things you’re Doing Tomorrow:
1. Working
2. Folding laundry

Two Longest Car Rides:
1.Iowa City, IA to San Antonio, TX in 1994 (driven solo)
2. San Antonio, TX to Los Angeles, CA 1980 (my mom drove that one solo). I sat in the backseat and acted like I was hosting my own version of Tic Tac Dough the whole time.

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. Thanksgiving
2. Grandma's Marathon

Two Favorite Beverages:
1. Beer (domestic)
2. Gatorade

Two Things About Me that you may not have known.
1. I was born in Illinois.
2. I was kicked out of Cub Scouts in third grade because I wouldn't take my bike helmet off during a den meeting because I kept insisting to the den mother, "It's my thinking cap."

Two Jobs I have had in my life:
1. US Postal Letter Carrier
2. Dude who kept the 60 foot salad bar at Souper Salad fully stocked with fresh fruit, vegetables, salad accessories, and dessert.

Two Movies I would watch over and over:
1. The Usual Suspects
2. Buckaroo Banzaii

Places I have lived:
1. New York, NY
2. East Liberty, IA

Two of my Favorite Foods:
1. Enchiladas
2. English Muffins

Two Places I’d rather be right now:
1. Next to Emily, who is in New Orleans until Wednesday for work.
2. In a time machine so I go back twelve hours and re-eat the croissant I was eating when I bit my tongue so badly. Only I wouldn't bite my tongue the second time around.

Two people I think will respond:
1. I don't think two people read this blog.
2.

Since this is a blog, copy/paste, and fill in your own answers in the comments. Let me know if you partook in the fun.

2007-10-18T18:06:00.000-05:00

Hotober

Well the TC10 came and went. I ran a 59:30. The close reader will note that this way off my high goal time. I went out as fast as planned, but by mile three it became obvious that the heat and humidity would not allow for anything under 58:00. By mile five I knew the only goal left was to break 60 minutes. And I did that. It just wasn't my day.

I am glad I went out aggressively. I haven't done that in awhile. Also, given the context of the day (it was so very hot), I am satisfied with my time.

I placed third in my age group which speaks more to being in a weak age group (most 35 to 39 year-olds get slowed down by daddy duty) than anything else.

But this guy kicked ass. Maybe he'll get around to blogging about it. And this guy set a PR in the 5k and has already blogged a little about it.

Saturday, October 7 was a brutal, brutal day. The good people at Down the Backstretch do a great job of addressing the pattern of hot, too hot, Minnesota marathons. Click here to read more.

DtB also did a nice summaary of the TC 10. Click here to read it. Oddly, they neglected to cover my 71st place finish. Where's the love? I was only 13 minutes behind the winner Abdi Abdirahman.

But I love the quote below from the story. It comes from the winner of the race and pretty much sums up how we all felt that day.

Said Abdirahman of the conditions: "I didn't expect this to be this bad. It was horrible. It's one of those things, you can't control the weather. It's out of our hands. I was on good pace for five or six or seven miles but then it just got worse and worse."

And on a bigger scale, the furnaces that defined the Twin Cities and Chicago Marathons have generated a lot of publicity and debate in the running community.

There seem to be schools of thoughts emerging.
1. Marathon organizers need to do more to protect its runners. This would include the opinion piece listed above from DtB, as well as a piece Frank Shorter wrote for the NYT. Click here to read it.

2. Marathons are not meant for eveyone. Marathon organizers therefore need to screen its runners before letting them run.

Just like some people can't make a basket from twenty feet out or throw a perfect forty yard spiral, not everyone should think they can run 26.2 miles. Click here and here for more.

As someone who has just finsihed coaching a class for beginning to very experienced marathoners, I actually side more with the second school of thought. However, I do not believe lowering the time limit or having prequalifying standards is the solution. An inexpeirenced 3:30 marathoner is more likely to run himself into harms way than a veteran 5:30 marathon, in my opinion.

Rather, the culture of marathoning has to change. As a running community we need to get the word out that running a marathon is not just an individual decision, but a commitment. It is a lifestyle. Before someone plunges into running their first marathon, he or she should several half marathons first. I would recommend getting two years of base running in. Get to the point where you can easily run 45 miles per week. I don't care how fast you go, just how far, as you build base.

But now there is big money in marathons. You can market them as an experience. Something you can say you did, like take a guided tour up Mt. Everest or go bungee jumping.

To say that there has to be time standards for someone to run any marathon smacks of elitism. But to portray the marathon as "an experience for everyone and anyone" trivializes just how much work and sacrifices have to be made to run one safely. And there is where the health risks start.

2007-10-06T21:25:00.000-05:00

Bring It

So I'll be going to be in bed in about 30 minutes and waking up six hours later.

Tomorrow (Sunday) is the Twin Cities Marathon and I'm participating by running the ten mile race and then watching the marathon.

We are exepcted to a LOW of 64 degrees tomorrow. And some thunder storms to go along with that. Ugh.

But that weather won't affect us ten milers as much as the marathoners. I wish those guys the best, of course. That is the beauty of a marathon. You pour your heart and soul for one race that is so dependent on things you can't control. It's a good life lesson: there's no guarantees. Make the best of what you have in front of you that day.

But I'm just a ten miler tomorrow, so there is no need no wax philosophical about such an easy distance.

Here are my goals:
Low Goal: Sub 60
Medium Goal: Sub 59:00
High Goal: 57:20

I'm going out hard both guns blazing after that high goal. I hope to open with a 5:45 mile.

2007-10-04T21:22:00.000-05:00

Rant #83482

I can't stand commercials with animals acting like people. I blame CGI and the Super Bowl for the mainsteaming of this style of TV advertising.

This evening during 30 Rock or The Office there was some ad with a bunch of monkies riverdancing. Really? Is that the best our creative talent, earning six figures can do?

I left the room half way through the ad. I did this in part out of protest, but also to get some more food. So I don't know what the ad was about. But it doesn't matter. Cheetas doing the macarena. Horses high fiving. Penguins riding their Harlies to Sturgis. A squirrel farts and points to the squirrel next to him to pass the blame. It took me 30 seconds to come up with those ideas. They all suck, but some hybrid of these ideas will air during our next Super Bowl. When will it stop?!?!?!

Maybe rather than boycotting Caribou, I can boycott all businesses that run these ads.

And I know that if I had Tevo this rant would die a quick death.

As an aside, I give both The Office and 30 Rock three out of five stars.

2007-10-03T19:26:00.000-05:00

Bye Bye 'Bou

Over the years I have devoted a few posts to the trivia questions you can answer at Caribou Coffee. For those with poor memory and not from the Twin Cities, here is a review. You go into Caribou, order your drink, and if you answer their trivia question correctly, you get ten whopping cents off your drink.

Only a hyper-competetive freak would worry about these questions, see how many consecutive questions he can answer correctly, and argue with the cashier when he or she tells him his answer is wrong.

Hey, that would describe me. Just click here or here if you need a refresher.

So we'll call President-On-Currency-Gate and CapeHornGate STRIKE ONE against Caribou.

So about six months ago, I went into the Caribou in Highland Park on my way to work. The trivia question was "What basketball legend is used as the model for the NBA logo?" Awesome I think. My streak is up to seven. Here's what went down after that.

Me: I'll get a large light roast, and the answer to the trivia is Jerry West.
Cashier: Ooooooh... sorry (all sympathetic like). It's Pete Maravich.
Me: No it's not. It's Jerry West.
Cashier: I know. Everyone keeps saying that, but it's Pete Maravich.
Me: Everyone keeps saying that because it's the right answer.
Cashier: Sorry.
Me: Pete Maravich played for LSU and the New Orleans Jazz and he died young. His nickname was "Pistol Pete." Jerry West's nickname is "The Logo." There's a reason he has that nickname.
Cashier: Sorry. I can only go by what the card says.
Me: Then you should change the question to "What random basketball star from the 1970s is on this card?"

And, yes I know I should have let this go about two conversational turns ago. I'm holding up the line. I'm arguing over a dime. I really only want to get my consecutive correct answers streak up to double digits again. And well, I'm being an asshole.

So I relent. Pay my extra dime. But I'm keeping score here. That's STRIKE TWO on Caribou. I swore off Caribou trivia after that ugly episode. After that even when I knew the answer, I wouldn't participate. I just don't need the stress in my life.

And then on Monday I went to Caribou with two crumpled dollar bills in my pocket. I ordered my usual large coffee and was charged $2.03. Say what?

Cashier (not my enemy from logogate): We raised our prices over the weekend.

Well, Caribou will haveto reach that coveted price point without me. I had to go out to my car and get a dime from the change holder.

A buck ninety-three for coffee? No problem. But more than two bucks? Not unless I'm going to sit down with friends to enjoy the conversation and atmosphere.

So they upped their price a dime. What is it with me and dimes at this place?

But think about this. The dime discount for trivia has been in effect since I moved here over 11 years ago. A large coffee was around $1.50. It was worth your time. So their trivia discount should be proportional to their price increase. Is fifteen to twenty cents too much to ask?

I guess so. Over $2.00 for black coffee. STRIKE THREE.

I usually buy coffee at the coffee shop once or twice during the weekdays and once on the weekend. Now I am going to make sure I make my coffee at home five to six days a week. And if I do have to buy coffee during the workweek it will be at SuperAmerica. It only costs $1.06 there.

And they don't have trivia.

2007-08-19T22:57:00.000-05:00

Zero to Awesome in 60 Seconds

Johan Santana struck out 17 Texas Strangers this afternoon.

Click here to see just how awesome he is. This link leads you to footage of his 17 strikeout pitches, shown in one minute. I would pay $500.00 just to be able to throw Johan's slider. Just for one day. Just to know what it feels like.

Even the non-baseball fans out there should check it out. It's pretty impressive.

By the way, I found this footage courtesy of one of The Deets' latest projects. He started (or helped start?) a website called Walleye. It has Minnesota specific blogs that are shown as they are updated. Or you can view the posts that are "hooked" (recommended) the most.

It's fun and a little addicitive. But the good thing is, since it's Minnesota only, it's not like new blog posts are coming every minute or something. So it's pretty easy to stay on top of.

2007-08-10T06:47:00.000-05:00

Cruel Ironies

Over the past week, it has become easier to process and put together what happened on the I-35W bridge. I keep kicking two very cruel ironies around in my head, and I think they are very telling.

1. A road crew was repaving the surface of the bridge when it collapsed. A real-life and tragic example of rearranging the deck furniture of the Titanic.

2. People have flocked to the Stone Arch Bridge to see the devastation of the I-35W bridge collapse. The Stone Arch Bridge was built in 1883, some 84 years before the I-35W bridge was constructed. Sure the Stone Arch Bridge never had steady highway traffic on it, but it did serve as a train bridge for 95 years. I guess we don't build 'em like we used to.

2007-08-02T22:22:00.000-05:00

The Kids Are Alright

Thank you to everyone who e-mailed, texted, and called Emily and me last night. We are okay and so far as I know, everyone we know is okay. A professor from Emily's Epidemiology department was on the bridge when it crumbled, but was able to walk away from her car safely.

Any death from this bridge's collapse is one too many. But I am amazed at the number of people who have survived this. That being, like all of us, I am haunted by stories of people plunging into the water. Or by the divers taking down license plates of cars below the river. I lack the emotional intelligence to imagine what it is like to be a family member of one of the missing.

I haven't had a chance get near the scene of the collapse. Emily has had the opportunity but has passed. She started her new job a the University of Minnesota yesterday, and could have walked over. But she told be she didn't want to see it. It all sounded too horrible.

Intellectualizing what has happened has been a very short process for me. I get stuck on one question and can't move on: how the hell did this happen? You know the old bit: we put a man on the moon, but we can't time our traffic lights downtown, or whatever. Well, we put a man on the moon about the same time this bridge was built, but forty years later, we couldn't see the warning signs that this bridge could collapse?

I don't know if anyone is to blame. Maybe it was a fluke occurence that we will learn from, like the wind shears that brought down the Delta jumbo jet in Dallas in 1985.

And at this point I am not interested in assessing blame. But that being said, I am amazed that in the 21st century, with all our technology and oversight, we didn't see this coming.

In the meantime, outside of the bipartisan bickering and passing of the buck that is sure to happen in the coming months, I have no idea what my adopted city will be like, and how we will respond emotionally and logistically. But for now, I have been impressed by the compassion and support we have shown for one another.

Here is a link by a columnist for the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, Nick Coleman. There are nuances to the article that I disagree with. Like how Coleman spends a few paragraphs hinting that Governor Pawlenty's budget vetoes are somehow responsible for the bridge's collapse, but then saying, "but you know all politicians are too blame." That is cowardly. Either have the cajones to call the governor out or don't.

And in addition, my understanding is, if you look at the budgets he vetoed, none of them had money devoted to reparing this bridge. But I do agree that there is a culture of neglecting infrastructure, as it eats up taxpayer dollars, that we need to overcome.

I think Coleman's column would have been stronger if he left Pawlenty alone for once, and stuck to that bigger point. We have been neglecting and taking for granted our infrastructure for too long. I lost trust in my government from this tragedy. And more importantly we lost lives. And what if it was preventable? What if, as a society, each and everyone of us (not just our politicians) placed an emphasis in investing in our infrastructure. And that is why Coleman's column struck a chord with me.

2007-07-23T06:23:00.000-05:00

Democrats: We Suck Slightly Less Than Republicans

My identity as a Democrat really started to weaken when John Kerry was the best the DFL could do to take on George Bush in 2004. And when I read stories like this, I feel sick and a little panicked.

Is this the best we can do? Over 3,000 American soldiers are dead, and almost 27,000 are wounded. And over 67,000 Iraqi civilians are dead. Who knows how many are wounded.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Bush tells us to stay the course. His administration has no other ideas about what to do. That is frightening. But even worse, is that the Democrats have even less ideas. A "cover your ass" censure against Bush? An "all-nighter" policy session? That's it? That's all they can do? People are fucking dying. The region is unstable. And this is the best our two major parties can do.

We need a leader to emerge. Soon. I don't care what party he or she is from, but we need a leader to step up and say...

"Let's quit bashing Bush. Emotionally it is rewarding, but it does NOTHING to help us in Iraq. Forget about feeling good, and let's collectively think about doing the right thing. It's time to make sacrifices to honor the soliders who died and those who are still fighting. Here's what we need to do..."

Now can I finish that speech I just started? Do I have any ideas? Well I have one or two. I'd start with reducing our dependency on foreign oil. Pushing for a Palestinian state. Getting the rest of the world to see that a secure Iraq is in its best interest too, even if we were the dumabasses that broke Iraq in the first place.

These aren't perfect solutions, but at least they will get the dialogue going and as a nation maybe we can collectively come up with a solution. We can find a long-term solution in Iraq, built on sacrifice and diplomacy. And whatever that solution may be, it won't involve calling Bush the worst President ever or censuring him. No matter how good it feels to do that.

We need a leader. Until then, as citizens we need to come together. Get past our partisan tribes and figure out what needs to be done. I think we can do better than "immediate withdrawl" vs. "stay the course." There has to be a nuanced solution out there. And "Bush sucks" ain't one of them.

2007-06-22T06:48:00.000-05:00

It's Like This, Cat

We lock our cats in the basement at night. That way Toonces can be as crazy as she wants without driving us crazy. Somehow she escaped this morning and decided at 5:30 am that she really missed us.

I wish cats were more into being pleasers. I swear, if I glare at Pancho for two seconds because of something he did, that dog does whatever it takes to get my affection back. He mows the lawn, takes the trash out, and offers to take the 88 Accord off our hands.

But not so much for the pinche gato. As if her TO DO list for this morning reads like a shampoo instruction bottle, here's how the first 20 minutes of Toonces' morning played out.

1. Jump up on bed.
2. Meow in search of affection.
3. Get knocked off of bed with pillow-to-the-face.
4. Repeat.

It took twenty freaking minutes for that cat to finally give up.

But I'm no better. This became a battle of wills. Mano a paw. I was fully awake and ready to get out of bed. But I refused to get up until the cat gave up and knew it was never going to be in the bed while I was.

It's no small accomplishment for me to win a battle with an animal that has the intellectual capacity of a one-year old. But I can say with confidence that so far, on June 22, 2007, on the scorecard for the daily battle of Mike and Pancho vs. Toonces the score is...

Mike and Pancho:1
Toonces: 0

Here's to an early end to today so our score may be preserved.

One night I came upstairs to find this. For a cat with no balls, Toonces is one ballsy cat. Pancho's body language suggests he is not at all comfortable with the idea of a cat in his bed. Toonces' body language would suggest she doesn't give a damn. I feel your frustration Pancho.

2007-06-18T22:36:00.000-05:00

Conversation with Emily #6567

This evening in our den...

Me: What are you watching?

Emily: Oh some reality show about a guy who has to choose between dating some 40 year old girls and some 20 year old girls.

Me: Seems like a no-brainer.

Emily: (ignores me) It might be so bad that it will be good. But you won't like it. You'll just make fun of it.

Me: I don't need to watch it to make fun of it do I?

Emily: {no response--crickets chirp}

Editor's Note: This is not the first time Emily has told me she was watching a reality TV show that I was not welcome to watch. I guess I am too judgmental and take all the fun out of watching the show. But I would like to add that each time this occurs, the show's premise is exponentially more absurd than the one before it.

2007-06-17T22:15:00.000-05:00

Don't Call It A Comeback

ABRIDGED VERSION

Highlights from Grandma's Marathon 2007.
1. I ran my fastest marathon ever, 2:57:53.
2. I did not run 4+ miles in the rain at 1 a.m. post-marathon, like I did a year ago.
3. Staying and visiting with Jocelyn and her husband in Duluth, and their kick-ass kids. Do you have friends that, even if you see them as little as once a year, you are so comfortable with them you pick up right where you left off with them a year ago? Jocelyn and Co. are those kinds of friends to Emily and me.

Grandma's weekend is such a great time for me. I love runnig. I love races. I love my friends, both in Duluth and those that I run with. I love my wife. I love my family. I love my dog. And Grandma's brings most of that together (four out six ain't bad).

Here's to Grandma's 2008 and whatever stories they will bring.

Below is a picture me of me running just before the 21 mile marker. Please keep all lame "I'm too sexy for my shirt" jokes to yourself. It was freaking hot out there.

This picture comes courtesy of Jocelyn, who said she expected this photo on my blog within the next 24 hours or she'd tag me with another meme.